


Perspectives

by TheKingParrot



Category: Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-03-21
Packaged: 2019-10-12 00:34:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 33,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17457248
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheKingParrot/pseuds/TheKingParrot
Summary: One’s perspective on life is an interesting and unique thing.  It’s shaped by experience, circumstances, relationships and a host of other factors which are exclusive to the individual.  Never judge a book by its cover.





	1. Oxfam

 

One’s perspective on life is an interesting and unique thing.  It’s shaped by experience, circumstances, relationships and a host of other factors which are exclusive to the individual.  For some, a bad day might be a lack of funds to buy a piece of technology new to the market, or the new model of an expensive car.  For others, it could be having nowhere to sleep, nothing to eat and no one to care.  For most people in a first world country, it’s probably somewhere in between. Never judge a book by its cover.

The Redcoat Café was a place where people would hang out, including those who could afford a half-caf, no foam,  _soy cappuccino and_ Meyer-Lemon Tart with Gingersnap Crust and Almond Whipped Cream _every_ day and still have money to go clubbing and dine out most nights.

It was also the place Claire worked part-time every day to earn enough money to supplement her scholarship to study medicine.  If she was fortunate, there would be enough tips to allow her to take the bus to and from the campus, otherwise she would walk.  Surviving on the scholarship alone was impossible.  Even with part-time work, she had to eke out her limited funds.

Her old friend, Geillis, had leased the café and the small apartment adjoining it.  Geillis had the larger bedroom with walk-in wardrobe, while Claire and her belongings were squeezed into a glorified box room.  Claire didn’t complain – without Geillis she couldn’t afford to live anywhere else near the university and it was convenient to live next to her place of work.  Besides that, she and Geillis were in many respects the only family either of them had – Claire’s parents and uncle were long dead, and Geillis had a chequered past with the parents from hell.

“Oh shit, here come the Beverly Hills troupe”, Geillis whispered to Claire as the door to the café flew open.  The group were regulars to the café and although they needed the custom it could be difficult to be gracious to the pampered, pretentious gaggle of privileged geese who honked their way through life.

Claire returned Geillis’ “shit, here we go” look and approached the table with menus for each member of the group.  Claire often saw them on campus too.  They seemed to move as a group, giving the impression it was the only way they could avoid having to associate with the riff-raff.  Claire shared lectures with some of them – it was common for them to arrive late and talk loudly as they entered the lecture hall.

Claire plastered on her welcoming smile and handed out six menus, first to the three women and then to the three men.  She tried not to laugh as their orders were placed and wondered if they actually tried to look like prima donnas:

“What are you having Geneva?”, the bottle blonde asked.

“Nothing that’s standard on _this_ menu”, she replied as she pushed back her coiffed hair.  “Waitress, a Triple, Venti, Half Sweet, Non-Fat, Caramel Macchiato.  And a citrus tarte with almond whipped cream.”

The bottle blonde told Claire: “Grande, Iced, Sugar-Free, Vanilla Latte with Soy Milk and a pancake stack served with maple syrup, whipped butter, and cream.”

The third woman was quieter: “Laoghaire, I hope you’re meeting the personal trainer after all that.  I’ll just have a Tall, Non-Fat Latte with Caramel Drizzle please.”

Claire smiled at the third woman.  “Please” was not a word commonly uttered by the other women.  The smile was brief: “Oh Isobel, you don’t have to say please to the help, it’s so passé”, Geneva told her.

Claire gulped.  The three men all ordered long blacks and the cake of the day.  Simple and a quick escape.

Claire returned to Geillis, who was preparing the hardware for the order: “Did you catch all that Geil?  I’ve written the order down in my shorthand.”

“Loud and clear – I don’t think those two bitches have any mode other than loud eh?”

When the drink order was ready, Claire delivered their orders.  “Thank you” was a rarity amongst this group too – presumably that was passé as well.

Geneva was holding court about the latest psych assessment and how unreasonable the time frame was.  Claire was thinking it mustn’t fit in with her social life, as they’d been given three weeks to complete the work and she had her first draft prepared after one week.  Then it got personal.

“Our little Oxfam over there”, Geneva told the others whilst pointing a finger towards Claire, “will no doubt have the lecturer falling at her feet again.  Christ, she’s such a bore.  Always got an answer and always looking like she’s dressed by Oxfam.”

Claire was a spirited woman, but she felt impotent.  She wanted to slap Geneva’s face, but she couldn’t risk the bad publicity for Geillis’ café.  She looked over to Geillis and realised that she was smothering Geneva’s citrus tarte with a pile of thick, whipped cream (not almond).  Geillis then reached into one of her jars of chocolate and unwrapped a chocolate pig (usually reserved for children).  She perched said pig on top of the impressive pile of cream, walked past Claire and presented it to Geneva: “I hope that’ll be enough to fill ye, madam.  Let me know if the serving isna large enough for ye.  We wouldna want ye going without.”  As she walked away, she winked at Claire.

Two of the men couldn’t stop laughing.  “James, John … stop it at once.  This is not funny.”  The more Geneva chided them, the more they laughed.  Soon Isobel joined them, laughing behind her hand.

“You have to admit that is a very generous serving.  The pig does seem appropriate”, John sniggered.  

“But I reckon ye’ll be needing seconds with yer appetite”, Jamie added, wiping the tears of laughter from his eyes.

Geneva looked to Willie for support, only to find him stifling his laughter.  Willie, Jamie’s brother, was in a relationship with Geneva and knew the meaning of self-preservation.

When they had finished laughing, eating and drinking, John approached Geillis with his credit card: “I’ll pay for the lot, thank you.  And thanks for the best laugh I’ve had in years”, he smiled.  As Geillis tapped the card and printed a receipt, Jamie smiled at Claire: “Sorry about that”, he told her.

When the group had left, Geillis looked at Claire with a triumphant smile: “Was I good?  Or was I brilliant?  Ye should not have to put up with that shit, Claire.”

“Thanks, Geil.  I hope they don’t stay away. It might affect your takings”, Claire said as she pecked her friend on the cheek.

“The lad with the credit card asked me to add £5 to the bill for a tip for ye.  I think it’ll be fine, Claire”.  Geillis took £5 from the till and handed it to Claire – “ye can catch the bus awhile now.”

The next morning, Claire dressed in her usual jeans and jumper, filled her backpack with note books, texts and writing implements and caught the bus to her campus.  As she looked out the window, she saw Geneva, Isobel and Laoghaire in a very expensive car looking like characters from _Legally Blonde._ She was feeling like Cinderella.    


	2. How the other half live

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reality of Claire's lifestyle is revealed as she makes a new friend.

Claire alighted from the bus at the stop closest to the lecture theatre.  The sun had gone behind the clouds and it was cooling.  She pulled the sleeves of her jumper down to cover her hands.  She was preoccupied with thoughts of whether she could find a second part-time job through the upcoming holidays.  Geillis couldn’t afford to increase her hours, and text books for the next semester were expensive, even if she could find second-hand copies.  And she couldn’t work for Geillis during her practical placement, which would leave a gaping hole in her budget.She packed some of her study materials into her locker and headed to her first lecture of the day.

She heard someone call out and realised it was to her: “Oxfam!  Hope you’ve got your assignment ready.”  It was Geneva.  “I got a final year student to finish mine off.  Probably cost me more than that jumper you’re wearing.”

Laoghaire was laughing along with Geneva.  Isobel was looking embarrassed.  John, who was approaching the scene, was furious.  He could have chosen to criticise Geneva, but instead he took Claire by the arm. 

“Keep walking with me.  She hates being ignored.  Geneva thinks she’s the centre of the world – everyone’s world.  Don’t give her the satisfaction of …”.  John looked at Claire’s face.  She was crying. 

“Oh God.  I’m so sorry.  She’s finally got to you, hasn’t she?  She’s such a bitch sometimes,” John sympathised.

Claire stopped and looked John face on:  “Then why on earth do you hang about with her?”

“Our families have known each other for generations.  There’s an expectation that we look out for one another I suppose.  I’ve never really questioned it Miss …”, John realised that the only name he’d ever known for her was ‘Oxfam’.

“My name is Claire Beauchamp.  Look, I’m very grateful to you for the tip and for showing me kindness – more than you know – but I’ll be fine now.  You can return to your friends.  Thank you.” 

Claire went to leave but John gently touched her arm: “My name is John.  John Grey.  I’ll probably see you at the café, Claire.”

Claire smiled back: “Thank you, John.  I hope we can catch up under better circumstances.  And thank you for seeing this from my perspective.”

As Claire walked away, John reflected on the behaviour of his ‘friends’.  They had every privilege in life, yet they treated this young woman with utter disdain – and she hadn’t said a nasty word about or to them when she would be perfectly justified.  It was food for thought.  He made no effort to catch up with his three female friends, choosing instead to walk to the library.

Claire carried on doing what needed to be done.  She didn’t have the luxury of debating whether she felt like doing everything to the best of her ability.  There was only one scholarship granted to each year group and she had worked hard to win it. Her scholarship required that she achieve at a high level in every subject, and she couldn’t afford to continue without that financial support.  She was a single-minded person who had a clear goal, and nothing would get in the way of that.  Having said that, she wasn’t immune from the meanness of others.

John Grey was sitting in the library, trying to prepare a presentation.  His mind was wandering as he tried to focus on psychotherapy, particularly the concept of unconditional positive regard for a client/patient.  He kept referring it back to the way his friends were treating Claire, and probably others.  What kind of clinicians were they going to make if they could treat others this way?  He began to scold himself for having been a bystander when they ridiculed Claire in the past.  That made him no better than them. That realisation made him feel uncomfortable.  Unable to concentrate on his studies, he decided to get a coffee.

When he arrived at the Redcoat Café, Geillis was working alone.  The breakfast rush was over, and there was a lull in business.  He sat at one of the counter stools and ordered a long black.

“Not with yer friends today, then?”, Geillis inquired.

“No.  I actually wanted to apologise for the behaviour of some of them yesterday”, John answered.

“I think it’s Claire ye and yer friends should be apologising to, no’ me”, Geillis smiled.  “It’s good that ye acknowledge their behaviour but standing by doesna make ye a hero either.  Still, she lives on a scholarship so the tip ye gave her means she can catch the bus for a while, so she’s happy about that.”

“Is it really that tough for her?  I mean, living on a scholarship?”, John asked.

“Ye’ve no idea, have ye?  The scholarship and 20 hours a week working for me barely cover the essentials and then she has text books and all the other expenses of being a student.  She’s looking for another part-time job during the semester break to get some extra cash.  She willna be able to work for anyone while she’s on practical placements. Claire is an amazing person, but life is hard for her, and yer friends make it worse.”

“What about her family?”, John asked.

Geillis wore a smile which masked the sadness she felt.  “Not everyone has that kind of support, John.  Claire’s parents died when she was quite young.  She was raised by her uncle and travelled a lot to archaeological sites with him.  She’s largely self-taught.  Actually, she’s brilliant. When he died, his money was used to pay for boarding school fees and the like.  She didna go home for weekends or holidays for two years because she had no home or family.  That’s where she and I met.  She was the school nerd and I was the wild child – we were the odd couple, but we were in it together.  We still are.  I would trust her with my life, which I guess makes her a good candidate for medicine.  When yer friends look at Claire, they see old clothes.  When I look at Claire, I see a brilliant, strong and classy woman.”

John finished his coffee.  “Food for thought.  Thank you … I don’t know your name.”

“Geillis.  Geillis Duncan”, she replied.

“John Grey.  See you again soon, Geillis”, he smiled.

As the door closed behind him, Geillis realised that this was _Lord_ John Grey of the Grey dynasty.  Close to royalty.  Little wonder he had trouble relating to Claire’s lifestyle.  At least he was trying.

John returned to campus to see the Fraser brothers, Jamie and Willie, heading toward the pool for training.  John had completely forgotten about it.  All three of them were in the University rugby team and aquatic training was part of their fitness regime.

“Missed ye at the library this morning”, Jamie told him.

“Yes.  I left early.  Couldn’t concentrate, so I got a coffee at the Redcoat Café”, John replied.

“Did ye get served by Oxfam?”, Jamie laughed.

John stopped in his tracks: “Would you _please_ refrain from calling the poor girl that dreadful name?  It’s bad enough that Geneva and Laoghaire do it, but you don’t have to stoop to their level Jamie.”

Jamie was surprised, although he understood John’s point: “Aye, I suppose ye’re right.  Geneva was rough on her yesterday.”

“ _Both_ your girlfriends were out of order.  Laoghaire was no better, Jamie.  It’s time you put her straight.  She’s a total embarrassment.” 

Willie frowned: “Why has this upset ye so, John?  It’s happened before and ye’ve said nothing.”

“Because”, John raised his voice, “I saw them do it _again_ this morning on campus and it brought the poor girl to tears.  Christ, we’re training to be doctors and I’m visualising Geneva refusing to treat someone because they’re not wearing Armani and diamonds.  It really is time we started to see the world from the perspective of those who are not as privileged as us or are somehow different.”

John bade them farewell and headed back to the library.  He was aware of societal attitudes towards people like him and wondered how they might treat him if they knew his secret.  Being yourself in a world that celebrated conformity could be darned difficult.


	3. Can you keep a secret?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John shares his secret with Claire, while Laoghaire is less than happy.
> 
> I would like to dedicate this chapter to @kalendraashtar, a wonderful storyteller who has decided not to write Outlander fanfic in the future. I have loved her work and would be happy to be considered half the writer she is. The fact that she writes in English as a second language is beyond my comprehension. Thanks for hours of wonderful reading.

 

John would still catch up with Jamie and Willie for rugby training and the occasional drink, but he found he had developed a distaste for their girlfriends.  Instead, he would drift into the Redcoat Café more frequently and chat with Geillis and Claire.  As he came to know them, he realised that he enjoyed their authenticity.  They didn’t judge people by their appearance, what they wore, their age or gender.  Openly gay couples were welcomed, as were elderly people who took forever to decide on which items they would try from the menu.  Their humour wasn’t at the expense of others. And he loved his banter with the extremely witty Geillis.

As the weeks went by, John would either pick up Claire and drive her to the campus or walk with her, enjoying their chats.  He was less guarded with her than others and surprised himself with how open he was.  Claire accepted what he had to say without judgement, although quite open with her own opinions.  It was a meeting of the minds, not a meeting of the egos.  Their friendship was also a gift for Claire, who let her guard down a little and laughed a lot.

As they were walking one morning, John said to Claire: “Can I share a secret with you?  Something you can’t share with anyone, not even Geillis?”

“Of course.  It must be worrying you”, Claire replied.

“Claire, I’m gay”.  John looked to see her reaction, not just listen to her words.

“I knew that, John”, she smiled.

John stopped in his tracks: “You know?  How?”

“I can just tell.  Must be my gaydar.  Why is that a secret though?”

“Why?  My father would disown me if he knew, and half my friends would likely ostracise me”.  John was amazed that Claire seemed so blasé about his situation.

Claire stopped and held John’s arm: “John, I can’t speak for your father, but if your friends were to ostracise you, I would have to question whether they are friends at all.  It makes no difference to me but if you want to keep it secret, I respect that.”

“Your world seems so straightforward Claire”, John sighed.

“Hardly, given my poverty”, she laughed.  “I’ll leave you here.  My tutorial is in this building.”  She pecked John on the cheek.  “Please John, you can talk to me about anything and I won’t break your confidence.  We all have our secrets but it’s good to talk about them with someone who genuinely cares. See you later.”

John remained aware of Claire’s financial situation.  There was no way she would accept handouts, which he found admirable.  However, he thought he might be able to help with finding part-time work between semesters.  He approached an old family friend, Glenna FitzGibbons, who ran a hospitality business and often needed additional staff for larger events she was catering for.  Personal recommendations always opened doors.

“Aye, I could use someone who is reliable and capable.  Having experience would be great.  She will need to have a good uniform, of course”, Glenna told him.

“Glenna, I’m happy to pay for the uniform but she must never know.  Can you provide it and bill me?”, John asked.

“Ye seem very keen on this lass”, Glenna smiled with a knowing look.

“She’s a good person, a friend and someone who needs a few breaks in life.  Can I give her your number and address, Glenna?  I should probably mention that Laoghaire has been rather unpleasant to her too.  Is that a problem?”, John asked.  Glenna was the grandmother of Laoghaire.

“Laoghaire has ideas above her station, John.  Ye’d think she was from aristocracy when ye hear her talk and believe me money doesn’t grow on trees in _our_ branch of the family.  Ye can leave Laoghaire to me, dear.”  Glenna had seen Laoghaire at work and had no illusions about her.  The Mackenzie family did own large tracts of land, but it was her uncle who held most of that wealth and Laoghaire liked to bask in his reflected glory.

The next morning, John walked to campus with Claire and handed her a card with Glenna’s contact details: “I know you’ve been anxious about earning extra money to get you through the next semester, Claire, and this business is looking for hospitality staff for special events.  Give Glenna a ring.”

Claire threw her arms around John’s neck and kissed his cheek: “John, you’re a life saver.  Thank you so much!  I’ll give her a call when I get back to the café.”

Neither Claire or John were aware that Jamie and Willie were in a passing car watching them: “Look at that, Jamie.  John and Oxfam.  Who would have guessed?”

Jamie smiled: “Don’t let John hear you say that.  Her name is Claire, and she and John are besties.  I’ve no idea what’s come over him.  She’s clearly got _something._ ”

Jamie said nothing to Willie, but he was concerned about his old friend John.  They had been through boarding school together and lived and breathed the same lifestyle for over five years.  John had never had a girlfriend, although there had been no shortage of hopeful girls ready to date a Lord.  He’d suspected some of those girls had been fortune hunters, but his gut was telling him there was more to Claire. Whatever it was, he wasn’t comfortable with it and he didn’t know why.  He wasn’t going to speak to Laoghaire about it, as she was likely to prattle to everyone in their social circle.  He would give it some thought before he approached John.

When Claire contacted Glenna, she was delighted to find that there was plenty of work and the hourly rate was above average.  She was to work at a function on the weekend on a probationary basis, with Glenna providing a uniform from her supplier.  When she collected the uniform, she was amazed to find it was upmarket - much dressier than she could afford.  She turned up for her probation stint wearing Geillis’ best earrings to set off the look, and Geill had also helped her with her hair.  She felt quite swanky compared to her usual look.

Her first job was to serve welcoming drinks and canapes.  All was going well until Jamie and Laoghaire showed up.  Claire did her best to avoid them, but Laoghaire finally spotted her.  She saw her nudge Jamie and point directly at her.  Rather than turn and walk away, which she felt would be rude, she walked towards them and offered a tray.

Jamie was looking shocked and, taking a drink, said: “Good afternoon, Claire.  Ye’re looking bonny.”

Laoghaire, not impressed at the look on Jamie’s face, added: “Well, were Oxfam offering designer seconds this week?”

Glenna overheard Laoghaire: “I need to speak with ye.  Over there”, she told her pointing to the corner of the marquee.

That left Jamie and Claire looking at one another, neither knowing what to say.  Jamie stumbled on: “So, ye and John have become great friends, Claire.”

“Yes, John is a very considerate person”, Claire replied.  She really didn’t want to have a conversation about John.  Their friendship was theirs.

“Is it any more than that?”, Jamie continued. 

“I’m sorry, what are you inferring?”

“Well, are ye hoping to snaffle up my friend John?”, Jamie eyed Claire as she blushed.

“You don’t think John and I could just be close friends?  Is that what you’re saying?  My understanding of the term ‘snaffle’ is to mean steal or rob.  Are you calling me a thief for some reason?”  Claire wasn’t impressed and the look on her face showed that she was ready to put him in his place. 

“What I meant was that he spends a lot of his time with ye instead of his old friends – I guess stealing his time or something.  I wasna intending …”, Jamie was backing down, realising that what he had said could be construed as offensive.

“I suggest you concentrate on refining your vocabulary, Mr Fraser.  And you might want to share that knowledge with your girlfriend.  For example, Oxfam is an organisation that believes all lives are of equal value. I consider it an appropriate name for me in that context. And, for the record, I earn my money Mr Fraser, I don’t snaffle it,” she sneered at him as she poked him in the chest with her index finger.  Claire stormed away, leaving Jamie speechless.  He couldn’t argue with anything she’d said.  She was right, and he felt like a total bastard. 

When Laoghaire returned, she was seething: “My grandmother has told me I’m a disgrace to the family.  Evidently Oxfam is on a scholarship and is working two part-time jobs to get through medicine.  Apparently, I should be seeing her as a role model.  Let’s leave Jamie.”

“Firstly, her name is Claire.  Secondly, yer grandmother is right.  And no, I’m not leaving.  I need to do some networking for the family business.  If ye want to leave, take yer car.  I’ll find my way home”, Jamie told her.  As he spoke, he was watching Claire move amongst the guests.  He had to admit she had class, she looked polished, and she was smiling and charming everyone. He felt awful. He needed to let her know that he regretted what he’d said and maybe have a drink with her. John would never forgive him. 

Laoghaire watched his eyes, looking intently at Claire, and stamped off with a sulky grunt.  She’d call Geneva and tell her what had happened.  Geneva would see it from her perspective.


	4. Foot-in-mouth disease

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One of my favourite expressions is "they only opened their mouth to change feet". Welcome to an example of that.

Jamie moved through the crowd at the event, catching up with old school friends and spending time with people important to his family’s business.  He was conscious of watching out for Claire, who was setting up a smorgasbord with other staff, and trying to corner her to apologise.  It seemed she was conscious of him also, as she managed to avoid him for hours. 

She was about to leave as the contractors began packing chairs and folding tables, her work done.  She heard Glenna call out to her: “Claire, yer work here today has been exemplary.  I’ll transfer yer pay into yer bank account first thing on Monday morning.  I’ve printed a list of events I’d like ye to work at, perhaps ye could look through them and confirm if ye’re available.”  She handed Claire a list of events that covered the next few months.

“Thank you so much, Glenna.  I’ll check these dates and get back to you tomorrow if that’s OK”, Claire replied as her calculator brain was totting up how much she might be able to earn.  She’d feed the income into her spreadsheet and see how many events she needed to do to bring her budget back into positive territory.

When Claire turned towards the exit, she saw Jamie standing there, watching her.  There was a second exit and she headed towards it.  Jamie caught up with her.

“Are ye trying to avoid me Claire?” he asked with a half-smile.

“I thought you made your feelings about me quite clear earlier today, Mr Fraser.  Was there something else you wanted to accuse me of?”  Claire was a bit harsh, but she didn’t appreciate the tone of their previous conversation.

“That’s why I wanted to speak to ye.  I wanted to apologise for what I said earlier, Claire.  John has been my friend for years and I feel quite protective of him, but I didna mean to insult ye.  I hope ye can forgive me … please?”.  There was a look of concern on his face.  Claire thought he seemed to be honestly repentant.

“Well, thank you.  Apology accepted.  I’m not quite sure why you feel the need to protect John, but I am glad he has good friends.  I hope you will accept that’s what I am to him too”, Claire answered.  “Now I need to get home to help Geillis clear up at the café, so if you’ll excuse me.”

“Did ye want a lift?” Jamie asked, forgetting momentarily that Laoghaire had taken the car they arrived in.  “Oh sorry, I dinna have a car.  Laoghaire took it when she left earlier.  Can I walk ye back?  It’s on my way.” (It wasn’t.)

“Well, I hope you walk quickly because I don’t know any other way”, Claire half smiled.  “That would be nice.  Thank you.”

As they walked towards the Redcoat Café, both Jamie and Claire relaxed.  Jamie asked her about her scholarship, telling her that Glenna had mentioned it.  She outlined the terms of the continuance of her allowance and why it was important for her to maintain good grades.  He admitted he didn’t know anyone else who had to adhere to such strict conditions.  Most of the people he knew were looking for a decent pass and anything else was a bonus.  He had to concede that their social lives were of major importance to them.

“I’ve no idea what it’s like to have an active social life.  Even if I aspired to be a socialite, which I don’t, I could never afford to live that lifestyle.  My idea of a big night out is to work at an event like the one we just left.  Pretty sad eh?”, she told him.

“Actually, Glenna told Laoghaire that she should regard ye as a role model and I can tell ye she didna like it _at all_ ”, Jamie told her.

“You’ve been with Laoghaire for a while then?” Claire asked.

“Aye, a few months.  We met at a party and I got drunk as a skunk and we’ve been together since.  Just sort of … happened”.  Jamie bit his bottom lip as he said it.  It wasn’t a relationship he’d sought but one he fell into - literally.  He’d woken up in Laoghaire’s bed and as far as she was concerned that sealed the relationship.  John had told him it was a mistake at the time, but he’d just gone along with it.  She had developed leech-like qualities since that night.  He was regretting that and wondering if burning her off was the only option.  (The alternative was to smother her with salt, and that seemed appealing at times.)

“And you?” Jamie asked.

“Me what?” said Claire.

“Are ye in a relationship, Claire?”  

“Hardly”, Claire grunted.  “With study, working at the Redcoat, and now working for Glenna I barely have time for sleep.  Anyway, I haven’t met anyone I’d give up my independence for.  Better no relationship than a rubbish one.”

Jamie was taken aback.  He hadn’t considered that.  In his social circle, there was an expectation that _couples_ went to parties, dinners and other occasions.  Even John went to such things with Isobel, though they were friends rather than a couple.

“Ye don’t miss the intimacy?”  The words left Jamie’s mouth before he considered what a personal question that was.  He was wondering how he could recover from this faux pas, when he looked her in the face.

Claire blushed and looked uncomfortable.  Her penetrating yet beautiful eyes scanned his face: “You really know how to offend me, don’t you?  Firstly, it’s none of your business.  Secondly, it’s difficult to miss what you’ve never had.  And finally, if that was some sort of pick-up line you really need to work on your technique.  You won’t be ending up in my bed, drunk or not.”

She was suddenly gone.

For the second time that day, Jamie felt like an insensitive loser.  First, he’d accused this woman of “snaffling” and now he’d embarrassed himself, and her, by asking her about her intimate relationships.  Shit, he’d have to apologise _again_.  He walked away with his hands in his pockets, feeling like a total cad.  He couldn’t fathom how he kept making such blunders with this woman.

Geillis had been cleaning tables when she saw Claire walk in and Jamie walk away.

“Oh my, Claire – a personal escort from the ginger.  What have ye done to deserve that honour?  I hope it was his way of thanking ye for murdering that bitchy woman of his”, Geillis smiled.

“God, that man opens his mouth to change feet, Geillis.  First, he accuses me of trying to snaffle his aristocratic friend and then he asks me about my intimate relationships.  I mean, all in the same day.  Does the man have no idea?” 

Geillis was surprised.  It took a lot to get under Claire’s skin, but the red-headed Scot had managed it twice in one day: “Well, he certainly needs to develop some filters Claire.  Do ye think he’s maybe a bit nervous around ye?  That can happen when someone likes a person and doesna know how to tell them.”

“Geillis, what are you talking about?  He thought I was trying to entrap his aristocratic friend, John, not him.  And then he’s fishing to find out if I want to be screwed”, Claire argued.

“And maybe he was a wee bit jealous of John?” Geillis suggested.

“He actually told me that he’s with that woman because he got drunk as a skunk.  I assume that means he ended up in bed with her.  Would you say that to someone you were interested in?  Of course, you wouldn’t.  He is utterly clueless.  Now, can I go through this list Glenna gave me?  I don’t want to take on any work that’s going to leave you in the lurch.”

“Nice change of subject, Claire.  Now, show me the list”, she laughed as she threw the wet sponge at Claire.


	5. Let's go get the shit kicked out of us by love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire finds herself a victim of a dirty deed aimed to discredit her. Who is responsible?

 

It was raining on Monday morning, so John drove to the Redcoat to pick up Claire.  She ran from the door of the café to the car, wearing a hoodie to keep her hair dry – her curls went crazy when wet.  She climbed into the car to be greeted by a smiling John.

Claire came to the point fairly quickly: “John, thanks for helping me with the work situation.  Glenna was great, and she’s planning to employ me again, but Jamie and Laoghaire were at Saturday’s event and it was all a bit strange.  I really think Jamie doesn’t like me – and has a low opinion of me - and I know Laoghaire can’t stand me.  I’m not sure why I’m so on the nose with them.”

“Well, that doesn’t surprise me with Laoghaire.  She doesn’t want any attractive women around Jamie.  She’s so possessive, it concerns me.  I hope Jamie calls it off, but she seems to have got her claws into him.  I don’t understand it.  But I’m surprised at Jamie being unpleasant.  He and I have been friends for years.”  John pulled into the university car park and turned off the ignition.  “Claire, can I tell you another secret you can’t share?”

“Of course, John”, Claire replied.

“I’ve been in love with Jamie for the past four years.  At first, I didn’t understand my feelings, but eventually I couldn’t deny them.  He has no idea.  Clearly, he doesn’t have a gaydar, as you call it.  I can’t tell him for fear of losing his friendship and I know nothing will ever come of it, but it can be difficult sometimes.  Seeing him with Laoghaire is painful for me.  He is so much better than she deserves.”  John was looking genuinely emotional. Claire realised this was a huge revelation to share with her, and she felt honoured that John felt comfortable enough to share it.  She wasn’t sure that she agreed with his assessment of Jamie though. 

Claire took his hand: “John, you are a good person and a great friend.  You will find someone who is deserving of your love and returns it one day.  I just know it.  Don’t settle for anything less, I certainly won’t.”

Claire kissed him on the cheek.  “You talk to me about any potential lovers and I’ll talk to you about anyone I’m interested in.  Deal?”

“Deal.  Thanks Claire.  What did they say on _Love Actually?_ ‘Let’s go get the shit kicked out of us by love?’”

“Yes, love that scene!  But I’m not watching _Titanic_ again John.”

“God no.  Once in a lifetime is enough”, John laughed.  “I wish I wasn’t gay, Claire.  If I was straight, we could be lovers, couldn’t we?  I think we’d make a rather beautiful couple and I could just be myself.”

“What was it Oscar Wilde said? ‘Be yourself.  Everyone else is taken.’  You know I’d kick the shit out of you though John”, Claire laughed.

“Probably, even though I’m so much better looking than Leonardo DiCaprio (he paused to laugh) but I expect you to run anyone eligible by me.  You require my stamp of approval”, John smiled.

“Will do.  Now, let’s get down to work.”

John was with Claire when she moved towards her locker.  A university security officer approached her: “Excuse me Miss Beauchamp, I need to speak to you”.

“Why is that?”, Claire asked.

“We’ve had a tip off that you have a very valuable reference book in your locker, a book that shouldn’t have been removed from the library.  Would you please open your locker so that we can inspect it?”

Claire was confused and shocked, but John took control of the situation.

“If you are accusing the lady of taking, or stealing, the book, that is a serious allegation.  What grounds do you have for this suspicion?”, John asked.

“The Dean of the Faculty received an anonymous note from someone who said they witnessed the young lady taking the book and placing it in her locker”, the security officer replied.

Claire took her keys from her pocket.  John took them from her before she could use them: “No, Claire.  I’m going to call the family solicitor and tell him to advise you before you do anything. If someone is not prepared to be identified but is prepared to accuse you, I have to wonder about their motives.”

“But John, I’m sure this is just a misunderstanding”, Claire replied.

John whispered in her ear: “I know you have nothing to do with this.  Do you know anyone who might want to accuse you of stealing?”

“I’ve no idea John”.  She did wonder to herself about ‘snaffling’, but surely Jamie wouldn’t stoop to this level?  John seemed to hold him in such high regard.  She kept her thoughts to herself.

John took his mobile from his pocket and rang his solicitor: “He’s on his way.  He told me we should wait until he arrives and that if anyone is to check your locker it should be the police.  I’ll wait here with you Claire.  Someone is trying to get you in trouble with the university authorities.  It could jeopardise your scholarship.”

“But why John?”

“We’ll only know that when we find out who is behind this Claire.  And we will find out.”

By the time Ned Gowan, John’s solicitor, arrived there was a small crowd standing by the lockers: John, Claire, the security officer, the Dean of the Faculty and two police officers, as well as onlookers.  Claire was feeling very awkward, but John assured her he would stay and support her.  She admired how calm he was – she was shaking.

After a heated discussion, it was Ned who asked if the security officers had viewed any CCTV footage.  They hadn’t.  He asked one of the police officers to determine the location of any CCTV cameras in the locker area, and between the lockers and the library.  The book had been found to be missing on Saturday evening, just as the library was being closed.

After an hour, the CCTV camera footage had been located and Claire and John were sitting in a viewing room with the university staff and police officers. They waded through the footage.  Eventually, two people were seen breaking into Claire’s locker.  They took a sizeable book from a shoulder bag and placed it in the locker, then slammed it shut.

“It’s difficult to identify who those people are”, the security officer said.

“Oh, I know exactly who they are”, John said. “We might get a better look at them if we check the footage between the library and the lockers”, he suggested.

When the group viewed the footage from the second CCTV camera, the culprits were clearer.  His suspicions were confirmed - John was right. 

 

 


	6. Gucci

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Attempts to discredit Claire may be backfiring.

 

Jamie was like a broody hen for most of the day on Sunday.  He couldn’t text Claire to apologise as she didn’t have a phone – yes, he’d discovered there were people who didn’t own a mobile in 2019.  He didn’t know what kind of reception he would get at the Redcoat, if she was working.  If she wasn’t working, she was likely catching up on study.  He didn’t want to annoy her any more than he already had.  How could he have said such insensitive things to Claire? 

He wondered about ringing John.  Perhaps he could give him some background on Claire that would make an apology more acceptable. John had come to know her well and they were obviously close.  In fact, they were close enough to make Jamie feel uncomfortable.  He wasn’t sure if he was jealous of John or Claire, but it didn’t sit well with him.

Jamie was also wondering why all this was so important to him.

Laoghaire had been round during the afternoon to invite Jamie to join her, Geneva and Willie for dinner but he hadn’t felt like an evening listening to her and Geneva prattling about nothing of any consequence.  He would only have spoken to Willie, and he saw plenty of his brother already.  She’d left in a total huff, but he hadn’t much cared.  He’d always felt under duress in his relationship with her.

He had tried to get some study done, but found his mind wandering.  Eventually he went for a run, cleared his head a little, showered and had an early night.

On Monday morning, he’d been on his way to the gym when he saw John, Claire, Ned, security and police officers, the Dean and an audience near the student lockers.  He made a decision to keep moving, deciding to talk to John about it later.  It certainly didn’t look like a good time to be approaching Claire to apologise.

He was in the change rooms after his workout when some of his rugby team arrived, ready for their training session.

“Wow Fraser, you missed _the_ lecture of the year”, one of them told him.

“I’ve never seen ye so excited about lectures, man.  Tell me more”, Jamie smiled.

“Here’s John.  He might be able to tell you more than I can”, he replied.

John beckoned Jamie towards the door: “Jamie, I think you should come with me.”

“What about the training session?”, Jamie frowned.

“This is more important.  Grab your gear and follow me”, John said quietly.

Curious, Jamie followed John to the Dean of Faculty’s office.  Isobel was approaching as they arrived. Claire looked embarrassed when Jamie entered the room.  She hadn’t told John anything about Jamie’s faux pas. When Claire, John, Jamie and Isobel were seated, the Dean addressed them as a group.

“I’ve called you to my office as we have a difficult situation which needs to be resolved.  I am expecting phone calls from irate parents very soon and I need to have some background information in advance.  I would like your cooperation in this, as it has serious implications for a number of students in this faculty”, he told them.  They looked at one another and the Dean and nodded.

“First, I just have a question for you, Mr Fraser”, the Dean asked.

“What about?”, Jamie frowned.

“Where were you on Saturday afternoon, Mr Fraser?”

“Laoghaire Mackenzie picked me up in her car and we went to a special event not too far from my place.  I left there when the event was finished, about 6pm, and walked Claire home to the Redcoat Café”, Jamie replied, looking over at Claire.  He felt his face redden.

“Why didn’t Miss Mackenzie drive you home, Mr Fraser?”, the Dean asked.

“She decided to leave the event after about half an hour.  Why do ye ask?”

“I’ve just one more question for you, Mr Fraser.  Did anything happen to cause Miss Mackenzie to leave so soon after your arrival?”

Jamie looked uncomfortable as he cast his eyes towards Claire: “Laoghaire was unpleasant to Claire. It was totally unjustified.  Her grandmother told her off and she wasna happy about it, so she left”, he told the Dean.

The Dean then turned to Isobel: “Miss Dunsany, did Miss Mackenzie come to the home you share with your sister on Saturday afternoon?”

“Yes, she did.  She spoke to Geneva, but I wasn’t party to their conversation”, Isobel replied.

“And did your sister leave with Miss Mackenzie later that afternoon?”

“Yes, she did.”

“Can you recall what she was wearing?”

Isobel smiled: “Geneva was wearing painted Gucci skinny-fit jeans with a black leather jacket.  I think she was wearing a cap too. Geneva won’t leave the house unless in designer wear.”

The Dean addressed the group:

“I need to tell you that Geneva Dunsany and Laoghaire Mackenzie have been taken to the police station for questioning.  They were removed from a lecture theatre as the lecture was just beginning and from all accounts were not altogether compliant when asked to leave.  In fact, both of them physically and verbally abused the police officers.  All of you are likely to be questioned about the events of the weekend, so I would ask you to keep your mobile phones in readiness for a call.  I’ll speak to you all when the police have completed their investigations.  Thank you.”

As they left the Dean’s office, Isobel’s mobile rang.  It was her father.  The call was brief, but Lord Dunsany was clearly an angry man.

Isobel finished her brief call and John invited her and Jamie to join him and Claire for a coffee: “I think we should go to the Redcoat.  Claire and I have some things to tell you.”

When they arrived at the Redcoat, Geillis was immediately aware that something was wrong.  With no-one else in the café, she turned the sign to “closed” and made a large pot of coffee: “Ye all look like ye’ve been to a funeral”, she said as she placed five mugs at their table.  “Spit it out.”

Claire was visibly upset, so John took charge of the conversation: “I’ll explain what happened as briefly as possible.  Claire might choose to correct me if necessary.”

John explained what had confronted them when they arrived at the lockers and Ned’s insistence that the CCTV tapes be used to reveal any evidence.

“Two people had removed a very valuable book from the library.  They took the book to Claire’s locker, broke the locker open, put the book in it and then slammed it shut.  When we watched the CCTV there was a clear image of Geneva’s arse squeezed into a pair of skinny Gucci jeans.  I knew it was her immediately.”

Geillis giggled: “The jeans were a size too small?”

Isobel rolled her eyes: “At least two sizes, actually.”

John smiled: “The thing is, who else would wear a pair of expensive designer jeans to steal something that valuable? I’d seen her wearing them once before. Her name was written all over her arse.  Then we saw a second CCTV recording. Laoghaire's face was clearly visible and we saw Geneva's profile.”

Jamie looked puzzled: “Aye, but why was she in cahoots with Laoghaire?”

Claire was surprised to hear Isobel’s explanation.  “Claire, Laoghaire has been jealous of you for a while.  You’re pretty, you’re slim, you’re clever and she’s seen how men look at you.  (She glanced over at Jamie.) When John started spending time with you rather than her, she could see her exclusive little social club breaking down and she was furious.  Geneva was no better.  I’m embarrassed to say that my sister has never tolerated anyone else taking the limelight, including me.  I learned at a young age that it didn’t pay to cross Geneva.”

“But I’ve never done anything to upset either of them, or at least not intentionally.  I’m in shock that they would do this to undermine me”, Claire gasped.

Geillis held Claire’s hand: “Ye exist Claire.  That’s all ye needed to do.”

“The lads said I missed the lecture of the year, John.  What was that all about?”, Jamie asked.

“Oh, you missed Geneva making a complete spectacle of herself.  Robert told me that when the officers asked her to accompany them from the lecture theatre, she spewed abuse in their faces and took a swipe at one of them.  Laoghaire kicked the other one in the shins.  The police threatened to taser them and Geneva screamed: ‘I’m a Dunsany’.  The cop told her he didn’t care if she was the Queen.  They’ll never live it down.”

“Good grief.  Daddy is going to be furious”, Isobel said as her hands covered her face.


	7. Like a moth to a candle flame

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire gets some very confusing messages about where she stands.

 

 

 

After they’d drunk their coffee, the group dispersed.  Geillis put the ‘open’ sign up on the door and Claire prepared herself to work until the evening.  Jamie disappeared into the gent’s toilet and didn’t come out until John and Isobel were gone.  When he emerged, he moved quietly towards Claire: “I just wanted to say that I’m sorry for the things I said on Saturday.  It’s ironic that the girl I _was_ going out with turned out to be the dishonest type, I guess.  I was completely out of order. Anyway, I hope ye’ll forgive me for being such a fool Claire. I hope I can make it up to ye one day, and I’d very much like to be yer friend.”

Claire had to concede that Jamie looked genuinely upset.  And he had supported her in the meeting with the Dean.  Plus, she didn’t want to come between him and John. And he had stunning eyes.

“Thank you, Jamie.  I think it’s going to take me a while to process all that happened today, but I appreciate your apology”, Claire pecked him on the cheek, and he blushed.  His eyes looked into hers, and his lips moved, but he didn’t speak.  He just gazed at her and finally said: “Well, I’ll be off then.  John said he’d wait for me and give me a lift home.”

Geillis was watching on with interest.  After Jamie had left, she looked at Claire: “He likes ye, Claire.  And Laoghaire knew that.  I still canna believe she and her friend would stoop so low to get to ye though.  No doubt Geneva’s family will buy her out of trouble.  That’s how it usually goes eh?”

Claire was thoughtful.  Finally, she asked Geillis: “How is it that Isobel and Geneva could have been brought up in the same family, with the same privileges, and turn out so differently?  It’s hard to imagine they come from the same gene pool.”

“Sounds like Geneva has dominated Isobel since day one.  Maybe their parents will ask the same question when all this comes out.  In the meantime, Claire, I am mighty impressed with yer friend John.  The way he stood by ye makes him a special man in my eyes”.  Claire had to agree with her friend.

The following morning, Geillis packed up a large piece of her “cake of the day” for John as a token of gratitude for what he had done for Claire.  They were both surprised when it was Jamie who arrived to walk to the university with Claire: “John had a family meeting and he asked me to escort ye.  He didna think ye should walk alone given yer celebrity status at the university and I was more than happy to walk with ye.  Maybe show ye that I’m not a klutz all the time.”

“Celebrity status?”  Claire looked puzzled.

“Evidently Geneva and Laoghaire had upset a lot of people and they’re taking great delight in their fall from grace.  They think ye were the cause of their downfall and that makes you a star attraction”, Jamie smiled.

“But I didn’t do anything!”, Claire said in disbelief.

“Like I said, Claire.  You exist and that’s all it needed”, Geillis commented.

Claire gathered together her things and joined Jamie on the walk.  There wasn’t the same banter she had with John, but Jamie was pleasant enough. 

“Can we walk through the park today, Claire?” Jamie asked.

“If you’d prefer”, Claire replied.

They’d walked about 50 metres when Jamie asked Claire to sit on a park bench.

“Claire, I just want to tell ye something I’ve been thinking about.  Ye see, it seems to me that ye’re like a candle and I’m a moth.  The candle burns bright and the moth canna stay away from it, so it burns its wings.  Every time I get close to ye, I get burnt, but I canna stay away.”  He looked to Claire for a response.

“I think I’m quite invisible, so I’m not sure that I can be equated with a bright candle”, she replied looking confused.

“Oh, ye’re not at all.  Ye’re beautiful, but ye’re also so strong and confident.  Ye can be quite intimidating Claire and it makes me, well, nervous but I still feel the need to be near ye.  I think I understand now why John is so taken with ye”, he said nervously.

“John is a very good friend – nothing more, nothing less, Jamie.”

“So, ye’re not in love with him?” Jamie sought clarification.

“I love him only as a friend – an exceptionally good friend with a heart of gold”, Claire responded.

“So, I stand a chance then?”, Jamie smiled.

“Well, I thought you were in a relationship with Laoghaire.  Have you told _her_ it’s over?”, Claire asked.

“I’m sure she knows, but I suppose I havena spelt it out in words on one syllable, which is what it’ll take”, he smiled.

“Well, before we can have this discussion, you’ll need to do that.  I’m not going to be seen as _the other woman_ ”, Claire replied.

“So, ye’re not saying _no_ to me”, Jamie beamed.

Claire looked a bit surprised herself: “No, I suppose I’m not.  I actually think you’re very attractive too, even though you need to think a bit more about what you say – but don’t tell anyone, it’ll ruin my reputation as an intimidating woman”, she smiled.  “Now, we need to go.  I’m going to be late for my lecture.  We’ll continue this conversation when you are footloose and fancy free.”

She rose from the park bench and began walking.  She didn’t see Jamie behind her doing a fist pump.  It had taken him weeks to work out what worried him about John’s relationship with Claire – he was jealous of John and crazy about Claire.  Now he needed to remember what his French teacher had taught him: “Run words through yer head before you let them leave your mouth.”

They continued their walk towards the university.  As they approached Claire’s lecture theatre Jamie asked: “Would ye like me to walk ye again tomorrow morning?”

“Yes, I’d like that if you want to”, Claire grinned.

“I want to very much Claire.  In fact, I could walk ye back this afternoon if ye’d like.”  He looked at her with what she could only describe as puppy dog eyes.  She couldn’t say no to that look.

“I need to leave here at 1pm so I’m back in time to help Geillis clear up after lunch and prepare for the afternoon and evening customers”, Claire told him.

“I’ll meet ye right here at 12.50pm then”, Jamie smiled.

“And I’ll make you a coffee when we get to the Redcoat – on the house”, Claire smiled.

“I can’t wait.  See you then, Claire”.  He leaned forward and gave her a chaste kiss on the cheek.  He looked delighted when she kissed him back.

Claire’s lecture had already begun when she entered the theatre.  She had _never_ been late for a lecture or tutorial before, but it didn’t seem to stress her.  She felt quite light-headed and a bit surprised that Jamie seemed to be so interested in her – and even more amazed that she liked the feelings that brought to her.  At the end of the lecture she looked at her notes and thought they were the worst she’d ever written, then looked at her watch and trotted back to the spot where she was to meet Jamie. 

And there he was, with Laoghaire’s arms wrapped around his waist.  Claire’s heart hit the ground and bounced back up as far as her stomach.  She felt sick.  Another game at her expense.  She ran to her right. Jamie caught sight of her just as she boarded the bus to the Redcoat Café.

“Oh Christ, now I’m really in the shit”, he muttered.


	8. Stamp of approval

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It seems Geneva and Laoghaire may finally be running out of options and friends.

 

Geillis had known Claire for a _long_ time and the look on her face when she arrived back at the Redcoat shouted: “Do _not_ speak to me!”  Claire got her apron and began work without uttering a word.  They worked in parallel motion like that for hours, Geillis looking for a moment to speak and never finding one.  Claire wasn’t speaking or making eye contact.  Finally, the ‘closed’ sign went up on the door and Geillis locked it and turned to face Claire: “Now are ye gonna tell me what’s going on, snap at me or both?”

Claire sat down at one of the tables and burst into tears: “I can’t take any more of their stupid games, Geill.  I’m done.  If they wanted to break me, they’ve succeeded.  I give up”, she cried.

Geillis gave her a hug then sat alongside her, holding her hand: “What on earth are ye talking about Claire?  Please tell me – a problem shared is a problem halved.”  She passed Claire a serviette to blow her nose on.

Just seconds later, there was a knock on the door of the café – John had arrived.

Geillis rose from the chair and let him in: “I’ve no idea what’s going on, John, but I canna recall seeing Claire this upset in a _very_ long time”, she told him quietly.

John and Geillis sat on either side of Claire, worried at seeing her in such a state of gloom.

“Claire, I’ve just been speaking to Jamie …”, John began.

“Oh, spare me the details John.  I’ve really had enough of being their plaything.  They just use me for kicks and walk away laughing at my expense”, Claire sobbed.

“Claire, just blow your nose and listen to me”, John said as he kissed her cheek.  Geillis passed her another serviette and she blew hard.  “Christ, I’ve heard quieter foghorns”, John smiled, then spoke:

“Now, Claire.  The meeting I had this morning was with my father and Ned Gowan.  My father had received a call from the Dunsanys, raving about Geneva having been victimised.  Ned and my father put them straight on that.  Meanwhile, Geneva put Willie Fraser under pressure to say she was with him and couldn’t have taken the book from the library.  Willie was furious and told her he never wanted to see her again.  Jamie had told him what had been happening.”

Claire spoke through her tears and snot: “John, Jamie told me he wanted to go out with me, and I told him I’d only consider it when he’d split with Laoghaire, but he hasn’t.  It was all another way to humiliate me.”

John held her hand: ”What _you_ saw was Laoghaire trying to get Jamie to go to the Dean and change his story – to tell him that you had said something awful to her and she responded.  She also wanted Jamie to say he was with her.  When Jamie refused, she grabbed him round the waist, wouldn’t let him go and threatened to tell you and others  _things_ about him.  Untrue things.”

“But the CCTV?”, Claire responded looking puzzled.

“Exactly, it’s all bullshit.  They’ve got themselves into a trap, and like cornered cats they think they can scratch their way out.  Jamie, Isobel, Willie and I have totally got your back now.  And Geillis always has been there for you. They’ve tried to involve all of us in some way and we’ve had enough of their theatrics and lies”, he told her.

“Even Isobel?”, Geillis asked.

“Isobel has told the Dunsanys a few other truths about Geneva.  She’ll be lucky if they allow her to muck out the stables at this stage.  Daddy does not think his eldest daughter is _numero uno_ right now”, John told them with a smirk.

“All this because I wear old clothes?”, Claire quipped wiping her eyes.

“This has very little to do with ye and everything to do with them being twisted sisters, Claire”, Geillis smiled.

John put his hands over Claire’s arm: “Claire, Jamie is outside in my car.  He didn’t want to step in here until I’d told you what was going on, and I have to admit I can’t blame him.  You can be pretty … overwhelming, when you’re angry.  I say this as a friend, Claire – he thinks you’re amazing and he’s genuinely hurting.”

Claire looked at John and Geillis, her eyes puffy, her nose running, and her face flushed: “Well, I’m sure he’ll think I look perfect at the moment.”

Claire looked John straight in the face: “John, stamp of approval?”

John smiled in a way that melted Claire’s heart: “Absolutely.  Stamp of approval, darling.  Get your arse out there.  He’s waiting.” 

Claire stood up: “I’ll go and see him.  Thanks for being here – both of you.”

Claire walked slowly out of the café.  Jamie was leaning on John’s car bonnet and looked up anxiously when he caught a glimpse of her:  “Claire!  Oh, _mo chidre,_ I’m so sorry.  Let me hold ye.”  He opened his arms and she walked into them.  “So, John told ye what ye _really_ saw?  That I wouldna do what Laoghaire wanted me to do?”

“Yes”, Claire was teary again.  “I’m sorry I doubted you, Jamie.  It just looked so … yuk.”

He laughed: “Believe me, it was ‘yuk’ for me too.  But ye understand now that I wouldna do anything to intentionally hurt ye, Claire?”  He kissed her forehead.

“Yes, come in for a coffee?”, Claire asked him.

“Actually, I think a wee walk might be better.  Give us a chance to talk on our own.  Would that he OK?”, he asked.

“Good idea”, Claire sniffed.

The ‘wee walk’ turned out to be an hour’s stroll through the nearby park.  They walked hand in hand, then with their arms around one another. They talked about all that had happened, the misunderstandings, the big mistake that was Laoghaire and cleared the air. At one point, Jamie smiled and asked her: “If I were to kiss ye, would ye able to breathe through yer nose _mo chidre?_ ”

She blew her nose: “Yes” she laughed.

Jamie laid one hand in the small of her back and the other behind her curly head.  He kissed her gently, then drew her into him and held her tight as he explored her mouth with his tongue.  Claire responded with enthusiasm.  As he drew away, she held the back of his neck and pulled him back: “I haven’t finished with you yet, Jamie” she told him.

“It’s taken us a while, but I think we’ll be alright now Sassenach”, he smiled.

“So, now I’m an outsider, am I?”, Claire laughed.

“Did you prefer _mo chidre_?”, Jamie asked.

“What does it mean?”, she asked.

“My heart”, he said kissing her nose.

“Oh yes, I like that”, she said kissing him back.

They wandered back to the Redcoat hand in hand.  A relieved John and Geillis greeted them, and they drank coffee and relaxed – for a change.

“I think we’ll find Geneva and Laoghaire will do their best to try to turn this situation to their advantage again, but we’ll be prepared for them next time.  They’ve shown their true colours too often now and it’s time they realised their words mean nothing when their actions show the truth”, John told them over their coffee.

“I wish I’d never been involved with Laoghaire now, but I hope I’ve learned my lesson”, Jamie agreed as he reached for Claire’s hand and squeezed it.  “And I have made it crystal clear that she is not to come near me ever again!”


	9. Champers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's party time.

 

 

 

It was soon clear to all and sundry that Claire and Jamie were a couple. Over the next month they became increasingly close.  Willie, Louise, John and Geillis now made up their main friendship group.  The police had gathered enough evidence to justify the Dean’s decision to suspend Geneva and Laoghaire from the Faculty, and charges were to be heard in court.

Geneva had gone home in disgrace.  Her father had made the decision to remove her from the campus, hoping that no blame would be apportioned to Isobel.  Laoghaire, however, lived in the area.  Glenna had contacted Claire and told her that Laoghaire would be working for her, but not at any of the events Claire had signed up for.  It was all very uncomfortable.

It was Saturday, and Claire and Jamie were walking from the Redcoat to Jamie’s apartment.  Claire had felt for a while there was still some unfinished business:

“Jamie, John told me that Laoghaire was going to tell me, and others, stories about you if you didn’t support her.  Is there anything you need to tell me?  Some nasty surprises hidden away in cupboards?  Dead bodies or something?”

Jamie looked very uncomfortable: “Well, she was going to tell ye that I had slept with the entire cheerleader group at the rugby club, Claire.  That is no’ altogether true.” He looked squeamish.

“Not _altogether_ true?  How many of them are there?”, Claire stopped in her tracks and looked at him open-mouthed.

“I think there are 12, but I’ve only actually _slept_ with one of them”, Jamie told her as he came out in a sweat.  “I was drunk, and it was a long time ago.”

“Well, you seem to get yourself in some dire situations when you get drunk, Fraser.  Was that Laoghaire?  After all, that’s how you ended up in her bed”.  Claire was looking peeved.

“No, Laoghaire isna a cheerleader”, Jamie side-eyed her.  “The girl’s name is Mary and I found out after that she’s … well … she’s …”, he faltered.

“The team bicycle?”, Claire suggested.

“Aye.  It was my first semester at university, and I was a bit stupid”, Jamie told her.  He took her hand: “It willna happen again, Claire.”

“Better not Fraser.  I’ll kick your arse”, Claire laughed.

“I ken that well”, Jamie smiled.

“Anything else you need to tell me?”, Claire asked.

“You’re the one for me”.  He squeezed her hand.

“Good save Fraser.  You’re learning”.  Claire squeezed his hand back.  Jamie was quickly learning that when Claire called him ‘Fraser’ he was teetering on the abyss.

Still in the early stages of their relationship, Claire and Jamie would touch and kiss frequently.  It was particularly new to Claire.  She had been on a few dates in her life, but they had never developed into anything remotely serious.  She was now well aware that Jamie had more experience, yet his was not particularly emotional.  His experimentation had largely been physical.  They were both discovering what it felt like to feel new things on an emotional level. 

When they were alone, they couldn’t keep their hands off each other.  Claire was a highly intelligent and socially aware person, but in this respect, she felt inadequate: “Jamie, I feel like I’ll be a disappointment to you.  I want to show you how I feel, but I don’t have experience”, she admitted.

Jamie assured her that everything was fine and that he didn’t want to rush her.  (Having said that, he knew that he had been ready to spend an entire day in bed with her some weeks ago.)

They’d arrived at Jamie’s apartment and Jamie was lying next to her, looking into her face: “Claire, I love that we can learn together, that we can take it slowly and get it right.  I won’t hurry you or hurt you.  Please, just trust me.”  He pulled her close and kissed her, his hand reaching under her blouse.  When he placed his hand on her bare breast, she gasped: “Oh, that feels so good.”  She slipped off her blouse and bra.  Jamie pulled his T shirt over his head and their skin met.  Their hands ran across one another, plotting out a map of each other’s bodies.  When Jamie leaned down and licked Claire’s nipple, she squealed with delight: “Oooh, God do that again.”  He obliged.

Claire looked into Jamie’s eyes: “I feel like I know all the theory but nothing about the practice.  But I want to learn it all in the next five minutes, Jamie.”

Jamie slipped his hand down inside her jeans and rubbed his index finger over her slit: “Fuck Fraser, are you trying to make me scream?”

“Aye, I am.  Tell me what ye feel, Claire”, he smiled.

“I feel my head spinning, all my nerve endings are tingling, I want more.  Give me more, Jamie … please.”

“Tell me how much.  I dinna want to get this wrong”, he teased.

“I don’t know, Jamie.  Just more, more of you, all of you”, she begged.

Jamie undid his trousers and took Claire’s hand.  “Feel how much I want you too”, he told her as he placed her hand on his erect penis.  It was his turn to gasp as her hand ran over him, then she held him in the palm of her hand.  She knew instinctively that Jamie wanted her to bring him to a climax.  Jamie ran his hand over hers: “Like this” he told her as he moved her hand up and down.  Claire continued, feeling his penis enlarging and throbbing in her grasp.  She watched his face as he grew closer to the moment of shedding his seed.  She could see what she’d heard described as ‘the agony and the ecstasy’ and loved that she had this power to bring him satisfaction.  When he did come, she loved how his entire body shook with the sensation and kissed him.  He drew her towards him and gasped: “Oh Claire, next time.  Next time I’ll come inside ye. As long as ye want me to.” 

“Let’s do it soon, Jamie.  I want to feel it soon”, she told him as they hugged.

That afternoon was the final of the University Rugby Challenge.  Jamie, Willie and John were all playing.  Geillis had to run the Redcoat, but she had urged Claire to go along with Isobel to support the team.  Claire knew very little about rugby, but Isobel had reasonably detailed knowledge and she was explaining the finer details as the game progressed.  Claire and Isobel clapped enthusiastically when Jamie, John or Willie starred.

When the game was won, the celebrations began.  Claire began to wonder if more effort went into the partying than the match itself.  Compared to the players and cheerleaders, she felt like a wallflower and stayed on the perimeter with Isobel.  Alcohol was flowing like water; the noise of the gathering was piercing and the longer it went on the worse it became.  Eventually, Isobel asked Claire if she wanted to stay, as she was going home and could give her a lift.  Claire fought through the crowd to tell Jamie she’d see him back at his flat.  He clearly wanted to stay, but Willie said he’d leave with them.  John decided to join them too.

“How long do you think you’ll be Jamie?”, Claire shrieked above the noise.

“About another hour, Sassenach.  I’ll see ye soon”, he said kissing her on the forehead.

Claire looked at her watch: almost midnight.  They’d been drinking since the afternoon.

“How are you going to get home?  You can’t drive like this”, she shouted over the noise.

“I’ll get a lift or take a taxi.  I’ll be fine.  Dinna fash”, he answered.  She felt uncomfortable about leaving him, but she was exhausted, and Isobel was waiting to leave.

As she left another bottle of champagne was being sprayed around the room.  She ran and ducked to miss being soaked.

When Claire, Willie, Isobel and John got back to the apartment where Willie and Jamie lived, they sobered up and chatted.  By 1am Isobel dragged John from his chair and drove him home.  Willie fell into bed and Claire decided to wait for Jamie to return.  After an hour, she fell asleep on the couch.  Jamie still wasn’t home.

 

 


	10. The heart was made to be broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I never felt comfortable with the handling of one scene in Season 2, episode 4. The producers handled the issue quite differently to the original text (Dragonfly in Amber, ‘Possession’, pages 305-313). To some extent it may be explained by societal standards at the time. 
> 
> I’ve decided to give it a modern turn. I’ll be interested to hear what you think. I’m posting it earlier than usual after a number of direct messages and comments from people with about as much patience as me! Hot off the keyboard.

 

 

 

 

 

Claire woke with a start at the sound of car doors slamming and loud voices on the street outside the first-floor apartment.  She looked out of the window.  There was light emerging on the horizon.  The sun hadn’t risen, but it was close.  She looked at the clock on the wall.  It was 4.50am.

On the street below, she could see two people.  One of them was clearly Jamie, staggering and sounding incoherent.  She didn’t recognise the other person, but they were smaller than Jamie and struggling to keep him vertical.  She heard a key in the door to the building and the sounds of people struggling up the stairs.  She opened the apartment door and peeked out to make sure it really was Jamie.  By this time, Willie was awake and had come out of his bedroom wiping his eyes and tousling his hair.  Willie caught Jamie as he fell through the apartment door.

The person with Jamie was in a cheerleader uniform.  Well, maybe “in” was a bit of an exaggeration.  Her hair was in a mess, her breasts were half out of the uniform and there were raging red love bites on her neck.  She clearly knew Willie but stopped in her tracks when she saw Claire was in the apartment.

“Sorry to wake ye”, she said.  “I was planning on putting Jamie to bed.”

“I’m sure you were”, Claire spat.  “Willie and I can take over from here, thank you.  You can go home and clean up.” 

The girl said: “But, I …”

“No ifs, ands or buts thank you”, Claire said turning the girl, so she faced the open door.  “Off you go. Thank you for bringing him home – I think.”

The girl looked at Willie: “I think ye’d better leave”, he told her.  She did.

Claire and Willie dragged Jamie into his room and dropped him on the bed.

“Christ Willie, he stinks of alcohol, smoke and cheap perfume”, Claire said looking at Jamie with disgust.  “We’ll have to undress him.”

As Willie started pulling Jamie’s arms from the long-sleeved rugby top, Claire undid his belt and pulled his jeans down.  She gasped.  Several long scratches marked his thighs, angry red welts against the pale skin.  High on the inside of one leg was what could be nothing other than a bite; the toothmarks were clearly visible.  The entire area was inflamed.

As Claire stood back looking aghast at Jamie, she saw that by removing Jamie’s shirt Willie had exposed dark-red blotches on each side of Jamie’s neck: love bites.  She and Willie looked at one another:

“Willie, who the hell was that woman with Jamie?” she asked.

“Her name’s Malva.  Slightly lacking in morals by all accounts”, Willie said looking embarrassed.

“I thought Mary was the team bike”, Claire said.

“She was.  Malva’s taken over”, Willie replied.

Claire looked down at Jamie: “You fucking bastard, Jamie Fraser.”

Willie looked down at Jamie with a combination of disgust and brotherly understanding: “He has a history with binge drinking.  He canna take it.”

“Is that some sort of fucking excuse for _this_?” Claire said gesturing towards Jamie.  She left the room seething.  The rage had taken over her entire body. 

Willie followed her into the living area.

“I’ve been waiting up for this _excuse_ for a boyfriend?  Worrying he might not get home when he’s been out rooting with at least one loose woman?”  She picked up a champagne bottle and threw it against the wall.  It smashed to pieces, and champagne ran down the wall.

Willie tried to calm things: “Claire, I’m so sorry.  Do you want to sleep in my bed?  I’ll lay on the couch and you can talk to Jamie about this in the morning.”

“Talk to him?  Fuck him!  No, on second thoughts – don’t fuck him.  After all, who knows where he’s been and with whom.”  She picked up her bag and began to cry.  It soon developed into sobbing, and she leaned on the kitchen bench to steady herself.  “I’m going home.”

Willie offered to drive her home, but Claire just kept walking and running until she reached the home she shared with Geillis.  It was a reasonable distance and she was physically and emotionally exhausted by the time she fell into the front door. She ran to the bathroom to wash her face, only to find Geillis in there brushing her teeth.  She fell into Geillis’ arms: “I hate him, that fucking bastard!” she sobbed as Geillis held her close.

For Geillis, coffee was the solution to everything.  She made herself and Claire two large mugs of strong black solution, added sugar and sat down to listen to Claire’s tale.  She told her about the match, the celebrations, leaving Jamie “for an hour”, the cheerleader and so on.  When she got to the bite on the inner thigh, Geillis blew a gasket: “Christ Claire, who are these people?  I canna comprehend it.  So, Jamie was paralytic, aye?”

“Absolutely.  Willie said he’s had a problem with binge drinking in the past.  That’s how he’s ended up in bed with randoms before … including Laoghaire.”

“I’ll need to calm down before I can be rational about this Claire, but it’s also so … unhealthy!  God, could the girl have rabies or something?!”  Geillis was pacing the room at this stage. 

Claire, ever the font of information, told Geillis that: “Well, Human papillomavirus, or HPV, can spread during oral sex, increasing the possibility of cancer. In the United States, HPV is the most common sexually transmitted virus.  If this girl’s been performing oral and other sex on multiple partners, she could be spreading it, _Chlamydia trachomatis_ and a range of other STDs.”

 

“Too much information Claire”, Geillis snorted. “Anyway, I wouldn’t even be kissing him until he was cleared of anything and everything.  And that’s assuming it was _only_ oral sex.  Christ on a bike, he probably doesn’t even _know_ what he did, or what she did to him.”

“Geillis, I’m beginning to think it was easier being single”, she cried.  “But I really had fallen in love with him.”

“Claire, ye canna have a relationship with someone who’s this self-destructive.  He needs to sort himself out before ye can repair this, _if_ that’s what ye want.  If he wants this relationship to work, he’s got to face up to what’s happened and show ye that ye’re more important than alcohol and casual sex.  To be honest, he needs to sort that out regardless.”

Claire showered then fell into bed just as everyone else was getting ready to start their day.  She decided that it was pointless going to lectures or tutorials in the condition she was in.  She cried herself to sleep and didn’t wake until mid-afternoon.

Meanwhile, Jamie woke just after midday with a cracking headache and a mouth that felt like the bottom of a cockatoo’s cage.  He stumbled out of bed and towards the kitchen, still naked.  Willie was watching him from the couch: “Ye know Jamie, ye may be my brother but ye really are an arsehole.”

“What are ye talking about?  Ouch!”, Jamie’s foot had been scratched by a piece of broken glass from the champagne bottle Claire smashed.

“Why did ye no’ clear this up, Willie?”, he grumbled.

“I left it to give ye some indication of how Claire felt when ye got home”, Willie scolded.

“I’ve got no idea what ye’re talking about.  Say something that makes sense”, Jamie told him.

“Jamie, go into yer bedroom, stand in front of the full-length mirror and see what ye look like”, Willie suggested.

Jamie did as Willie suggested then called out to Willie: “Christ, did Claire see me like this?”

“She did and she ran out in tears.  I’d say ye’re dead to her, brother dearest.  Christ knows, ye’ve asked for it.”

Jamie looked out of the bedroom door: “How did I get home Willie?”

Willie gave him a sardonic smile: “Malva brought ye home just before 5.  She was in a state of undress too.  And Claire met her.  It was like watching arse meet class in our living room.  The rugby team will be buzzing about this today – that’s one reason I decided to stay home and study.  That and not wanting to run into John – he rang to abuse ye as well.”

“Christ, I feel like death”, Jamie groaned.

“Ye’ll probably be dead when Claire’s finished with ye – if she can be bothered”, Willie told him.


	11. Under Pressure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Well, interesting comments on the previous chapter. In fact, the comments were about the same length as (possibly longer than) the chapter itself. 
> 
> The fall out begins with this chapter. Hope you find it interesting.
> 
> I rarely feel a song accompanies a chapter, but for some reason I couldn’t get David Bowie and Gail Ann Dorsey singing 'Under Pressure' out of my head. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NS_ZlDVMpWk

 

 

 

 

The bouquet of flowers from Jamie arrived at the Redcoat Café late that afternoon.  There was a simple card: _“Claire, I love you.  I’m so sorry. Please forgive me, Jamie.”_   They went straight in the bin.  Simple gestures were nice for birthdays, but this required more than a floral arrangement.

The next morning, John arrived at the Redcoat to be greeted by Geillis.  “Is it safe to come in?”, he said quietly as he arrived.

“It’s safe for ye, but if Jamie Fraser sets foot in my café I won’t be responsible for what I do to him.  And that’s before he gets to Claire”, Geillis said through gritted teeth.

“I feel awful.  I gave him the stamp of approval and talked him up to Claire.  Willie said he looked shocking when he got home”, John told her.  “Evidently he took photos to remind Jamie on a regular basis.”

Claire entered the room.  She was a pale impression of her usual perky self: sad, red-eyed and tired.  John walked to her and gave her a hug: “Morning Claire.  Would you like to walk or go to the campus in the car?”

“I think the car please, John.  If we see Jamie, we can run him over”, she replied with a half-smile.

“I’m so sorry Claire.  We should have forced him to leave the after-party with us and then none of this would have happened”, he said.

“It could have happened at another time, I think.  Don’t take it on yourself, John. He needs to take responsibility for himself.”

They jumped in the car and arrived at the campus together.  As they walked towards the lecture theatres, Claire could feel eyes on her.  She had thought people might laugh at her expense, but the looks were instead sympathetic and embarrassed.  She didn’t know which was worse.  She saw Jamie approaching them.  She ran for it.

Jamie ran to John when he saw her escaping: “John, what can I do?  I feel dreadful.”

“You should, you bastard”, John said sadly and kept walking.  Jamie had been his friend for many years, and for the first time he had no idea what to say to him.  John left Jamie standing alone.

It was Isobel who saw what happened and stopped to speak to Jamie: “Do you have any idea of how Claire is feeling, Jamie?  She was glowing with happiness with you and she’s so hurt.  She missed lectures yesterday.  Claire _never_ misses lectures.  She suffered the indignity of sitting in a room with people who saw you with Malva, knowing that Claire was your girlfriend.  And _was_ may be the operative word. It’s embarrassing for her.  Can I make a suggestion?”

“Anything” Jamie said as a few tears escaped his eyes.  Reality, it seemed, had caught up with him and just bit him on the arse.

“Get checked for sexually transmitted diseases.  Malva has been with almost everyone in the team, and others, so you need to anyway.  When you get a clean bill of health you may be able to sit in the same room as Claire.  Right now, I doubt she’d let you breathe on her”, Isobel advised.

Jamie was momentarily shocked at Isobel’s advice, yet he almost immediately acknowledged that she was right.  He walked towards the student medical centre and made an appointment to see a doctor that afternoon.  When he told the doctor what had happened, a variety of tests, swabs and urine samples were taken.  They would let him know when the results were received.  

Claire went about life in her businesslike manner: lectures, tutorials, assignments, work, sleep, repeat.  She only broke down once: when she saw Malva on campus talking to Jamie.  Of course, Claire had no idea that Jamie was telling her he had been to the medical centre for testing and that what had happened had _only_ occurred because of his excessive drinking.  Willie saw Claire, led her away and drove her home.

Before Claire got out of the car, Willie spoke to her: “Ye know Claire, I would understand if ye didna want anything to do with Jamie after what ye saw, but I promise ye he is really hurting.”  He told her about Jamie going to the medical centre and that he hadn’t touched alcohol since it happened.  He wasn’t sleeping or eating well.  “Is there anything he can do to get ye to sit down and talk this out?  Ye canna avoid him forever.  And I’m going to ask Isobel out next weekend.  Maybe we could make a foursome.”

“Thanks Willie.  I really like Isobel.  Let me think about it please”. Claire took Willie’s mobile number and promised to ring him.  She was moving between anger and sadness throughout every day.  It had been eight days since she had stormed out of his apartment and she knew she needed to resolve the situation: one way or another.  She rang Willie the following day and he arranged for the four of them to meet up:

“Let’s make it somewhere on neutral territory, Claire.  Somewhere quiet where you can shout at him if needs be (he laughed nervously).  Isobel has suggested we meet for dinner at her place on Sunday.  If it all becomes too much, I’m driving you home.  And there won’t be any alcohol!”

“Thanks Willie.  I really appreciate your and Isobel’s support.  John has been wonderful too, and I couldn’t have survived without Geillis”, Claire replied.

“We’ll invite John. Bring Geillis too.  We all like her and Jamie needs to make amends with her too, after all she’s like a sister to ye”, Willie said.

“I’ll ask her Willie.  That’s very sweet.  Thank you.” Claire could feel herself becoming teary again and Willie could hear her voice falter.

“Claire, it’ll be fine.  We’re all here for you.  I’ll pick you up at 6pm.  Does that sound OK?”, Willie asked.

“Perfect.  And please thank Isobel in case I don’t see her”, Claire sniffed.

“Will do.  See you then.”  When he had finished the call, Claire cried … again.  She’d only been this sad when there’d been a death in the family, and there’d been too many of those.

Geillis agreed to go to the dinner: “If ye hit him and miss ye know I won’t.  One wrong word and I’ll be knocking ye out of the way to kill the bastard.”

“Believe me, Geillis, I know.  Every girl needs a friend like you”, Claire laughed.

“Shit Claire, how many times did ye save me?  Sweet talking the Principal at school, helping me pass subjects I could barely spell, working out how to escape from impossible situations, doing my business budgeting … Christ, I might be dead if it weren’t for yer being such a clever dick”, Geillis exclaimed.

“I’m not a dick.  Remember anatomy?” Claire giggled.

“Aye, let’s not talk dicks.  That’s where all this began - dicks and grog.”  Geillis never did mince her words.

“Did I tell you that Jamie went to the student medical centre?  I think he’s having a full sexual health check.  I think Willie or Isobel suggested it.  At least he’s being responsible about that”, Claire told her friend.

Geillis smiled: “Dinna start making excuses for him, Claire.  He needs to grow up and put on his big boy pants.  Maybe this is what it’ll take.”


	12. Hurt Somebody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've been amazed by the response to the past few chapters. It's stimulated so much conversation and I've been blown away by the honesty of some comments. The Outlander community is certainly full of thinking and sensitive people.
> 
> In this chapter, Claire and Jamie confront what has happened and the impact it has had on each of them. It's a longer chapter than I usually write. I felt it was important not to make it a cliffhanger and there was quite a bit to be covered to achieve that. I hope you'll enjoy it. It is an emotional chapter, so if you're feeling fragile it might be best to leave it until you're prepared for some brutal honesty.
> 
> Another chapter where I could hear music. I swear this was written to go with this chapter: "Hurt Somebody" by Noah Kahan with Julia Michaels  
> 

 

 

When Jamie returned to the student medical centre, the doctor handed him a schedule of his test results.  The bite on his thigh was infected and would require a 14-day course of antibiotics.  He had tested positive for the herpes simplex virus.  His test for _chlamydia trachomatis_ was inconclusive and it was suggested that he be retested.

The doctor was blunt with Jamie: “You have been diagnosed with HSV-2, which is contracted through forms of sexual contact with a person who has HSV-2.  Have you engaged in risky sexual behaviour or been involved with a new sexual partner?”

Jamie sank into his chair: “Aye.  Both. I think oral sex.  I dinna remember much.”

The doctor looked over his glasses at Jamie.  The look was worth a thousand words, most of which translated to ‘idiot’: “There is currently no cure for this virus. Treatment focuses on getting rid of sores and limiting outbreaks.  I’m going to prescribe a medication called _acyclovir_.  It can help infected individuals reduce the risk of spreading the virus to others. The medication also helps to lower the intensity and frequency of outbreaks.  I’ll give it to you in a pill form.  But you’ve got some homework to do, Mr Fraser.  First, you need to tell any sexual partner you have been within the last three months that you have contracted this infection.  Some people don’t develop sores and they can be unaware that they have it and could be infecting others.  Secondly, you need to review your sexual behaviour. _Oral sex has been found to spread syphilis, gonorrhea, HIV, HPV, genital herpes, chlamydia and possibly hepatitis C._ _”_

Jamie was shocked at the list of conditions. “Aye.  I understand.  I dinna think my girlfriend is too impressed with me either.”  Jamie couldn’t make eye contact with the doctor.

“So, you don’t believe she is infected?”  The doctor frowned at Jamie.

“No, I got blind drunk and was … involved with someone else”, Jamie said in embarrassed tones.

“Has this happened before?”, the doctor removed his glasses and stared at Jamie.

“Aye, it has”, Jamie said quietly.

“Then you need to review your drinking habits as well, Mr Fraser.  And you have some serious talking to do with your girlfriend – if she’s still interested.  It’s not for me to pass moral judgement, but if you are drinking to excess you could put yourself in situations which might endanger your life and the lives of others.  I wouldn’t want to see the results of that.  You’ll need to come back in two weeks and we’ll run ongoing tests to ensure you are responding to the treatment.  And I should have the results of the second chlamydia test. It’s time to take care, Mr Fraser.”

Jamie was a tall man but as he left the surgery, he felt small enough to walk into a doll’s house.  Any bravado he’d felt when he was full of grog had disappeared, and quite a sizeable chunk of his ego with it.

“What a cock-up. Ye’re a fucking idiot, Jamie Fraser”, he muttered to himself.  He couldn’t think of anyone who would disagree with that assessment.  Now he had the unenviable task of telling Malva and, God forbid, Laoghaire.  Worst of all, he would need to be honest with Claire.  The photos Willie had taken had been bad enough, but Claire had actually _seen_ him at his worst – and had to confront Malva.   He didn’t rate his chances of keeping Claire too highly, and that’s what hurt most. He’d had it all and soon he was going to have to face up to Claire and the possibility of losing her forever.

When Sunday came, Claire put quite a bit of effort into looking like she hadn’t made much effort.  She’d picked out her best clothes, spent ages trying to contain her Medusa curls, used a little of Geillis’ make-up and faffed around for an age.  Geillis had observed this and said not a single word, despite thinking that this was proof positive that Claire wanted to work this out.  There again, maybe it was her way of saying: “Look what you’re about to lose.”  When Willie arrived, they were both ready and waiting.  On arrival at Isobel’s, Claire peered into the door and saw a nervous Jamie chatting with Isobel and John.  When he saw Claire he walked over, tentatively kissing her on the forehead: “It’s good to see ye, Claire.  I’ve missed ye – very much.”

“I’ve missed you too”, she smiled shyly, barely making eye contact.

Willie had been true to his word on the alcohol – there was a choice between sparkling water and juice.  Claire looked at the smorgasbord laid out on the buffet: “Isobel, you’ve gone to so much trouble.  That’s quite some spread.”

Isobel placed an arm around Claire’s shoulder: “You’re the guest of honour.  Everyone else has brought something, so you just enjoy.”

Claire was unusually quiet.  Her nerves were on edge, and she knew that if anyone said the wrong thing she would just dissolve into tears.  She had a tight grip on her glass and listened as others talked, largely idle chat.  Geillis stood alongside her and placed her arm in hers reassuringly.  She could read Claire like a book.

Finally, the subject of Claire’s practical session was raised by Isobel, and she was forced to respond: “Well, I’m going to the Royal Edinburgh for two weeks.  I’m going to spend one week in ER and the second week in the GUM clinic.”

Geillis looked puzzled: “What on earth is a GUM clinic?” she asked.

“Genitourinary medicine – sexual health.  You know, testing for sexually transmitted infections, dealing with sexual assault and that sort of thing”, Claire answered.

Claire saw Willie side-eye Jamie, who blushed.  She wondered what the results of his tests had been, but she wasn’t going to ask him in front of everyone.  John, however, went there: “You know a bit about that don’t you Jamie?  How did your tests go?”

There was a brief silence as everyone wondered what on earth Jamie would do and say: “Aye, I’m no’ proud of it but I have had a sexual health check.  Not all good news I’m afraid, but I’ll work on it.  I think I’ve learned my lesson”, he said looking down.  Silence prevailed.

Geillis looked at Jamie: “What about the drinking Jamie?  Do ye think that might be a problem?”

Claire couldn’t bear it any more.  “Jamie, would you please come outside in the garden?  I have some things to sort out with you.”

“Aye Claire”, Jamie said as he followed Claire through the French doors.

As they walked out of earshot, Isobel said to John: “Good grief, I can’t believe you did that John.  That was almost cruel.”

“They need to stop fiddle farting around and sort it out.  I just helped speed up the process.  Now we can stand back and see if Claire kills him with her tongue or her fists.  Preferably, both”, he smiled.

When she thought they were far enough away from the others, Claire turned to Jamie: “Ok.  Spill.  You’ve got ten minutes to convince me that you’re worth my fucking effort Fraser.”

“Claire, I’d drunk so much.  Nothing happened. Well, I dinna really know what happened, I think oral sex but with the bites ‘n’ all I suppose …”

Claire was furious. “Brief review Fraser: You came home five hours after we left you, not one hour as promised.  You had bites on your thigh and neck, deep scratches on your thighs and an inflamed groin.  The _thing_ you were with had massive love bites on her neck, was planning on putting you to bed and was scantily dressed.  How dare you say nothing happened. Sum it up for you?”

“Aye.  Anyway, I’ve been diagnosed with HSV-2 and an infected bite and I’m being treated.  I’m to have further tests.  I havena drunk alcohol since and I have to tell Malva, Laoghaire and … you.  Claire, I’ve been a fool and I know it.  It willna happen again.”

“ _Those_ are the _exact_ words you spoke to me _that morning,_ Fraser”, she said poking him in the chest. “Why should I believe you this time?  After all, it’s all about _you_ isn’t it?”  Claire’s voice was rising and likely her blood pressure too.  The others were trying to observe what was going on without being too obvious (and failing).

“Claire, what do ye want me to do?  What do ye want me to say?  I love ye and only ye.  I’ve had a sexual heath check, I’ve stopped drinking, I’ve stayed away from the rugby club and I don’t know what else to do.  Do you want me to go down on my knees?  Because I will.”

Claire’s eyes filled with tears, but she managed to raise her voice to Jamie: “I want you to understand what you did to the person who loves you.  To _me._ You made me feel and look like a fool.  Everyone who was there at the party saw you disrespecting me and our relationship.  They saw you with a woman who’ll have sex with anyone, knowing that I was at your home waiting for you.  While I was worried if you were alright, you were with _her._ I had to sit in lectures and tutorials with people who knew that you’d prefer to take risks with her than be with me.  You made me wonder if you even liked me if you could do that to me.  You made me feel worthless. You frightened me. And then you tell me it was probably _only_ oral sex!  I don’t know if I can forget that.  I’m not sure I can forgive that.”  She punched him twice in the chest, then dissolved into tears and he wrapped his arms around her.

Jamie stood there in shock, Claire weeping in his arms.  Hearing it from  her perspective had come as a mighty blow to his heart. She was right -he’d been a bastard. He’d been focussed on his own problems rather than the pain he’d inflicted on her. He leaned down and spoke to her gently: “ _Mo chidre_ , I understand now, and I will spend every day for the rest of my life showing ye how verra sorry I am and how much I love ye.  Do ye think ye can love me again, Sassenach?”

“I never stopped loving you, Jamie.  Even when I hated you! That’s why it hurt so much”, she sobbed.  “But I don’t know if I can forgive this.”

Geillis was standing at the French doors in tears, with John’s arm around her shoulders.  “Christ Geill, look what we started.  I’m glad Claire’s my friend because I wouldn’t want her fighting for the other side.”

“They don’t come much stronger than Claire Beauchamp.  She gave him words and fists, and Christ knows he asked for it.  She said what needed to be said.  I hope he finally understands. Is it time to eat – I’m famished?”


	13. Humble pie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire has left Jamie in no doubt as to how she feels. He decides that he must follow the maxim "actions speak louder than words".

 

 

 

By the end of the evening, there was some level of comfort between Jamie and Claire.  They agreed they wouldn’t see one another for a week as Claire would be on placement, was going to be tired and needed to feel emotionally stable.  Everyone helped Isobel clean up then John drove Claire and Geillis home.

Willie drove Jamie home and made them coffee.  Jamie was still looking preoccupied and distant.

“Want to talk about it?”, Willie asked as he stirred sugar into his coffee.

Jamie leaned against the wall, his arms folded. “I feel like such a prick, Willie.  I was so busy thinking of myself that I didna really give enough thought to how it affected Claire.  Christ, it must have been so hard for her to know about it and to face people who saw me with Malva”, Jamie said glumly.

“If you’d seen how she reacted that morning you’d have been in no doubt about how upset she was.  But you were out to it, Jamie.  Christ knows if Malva should have been driving because she looked pretty bad too.  If you feel like a prick, be grateful ye’re not a dead prick.  I have to admit that I’m surprised Claire wasn’t harder on you”, Willie said sipping his coffee.

Jamie looked shocked: “She was pretty blunt, Willie”.

Willie smiled: “We could all hear her Jamie.  She was honest.  I can’t disagree with a word she said.  I hope ye listened, because that woman for some reason seems to love ye.  Now ye need to prove ye’re worth her while.  She willna give ye another chance if ye mess up again. And if ye did mess up, I’d be in line to punch yer face.  So would John.  And we’d let Geillis finish ye off, God help ye. I’m going to bed.”  Willie went to his room and shut the door, leaving Jamie to consider what he’d said.

Jamie started to write a letter to Claire, in fact he started it about six times, but screwed up the pages.  He just couldn’t seem to find the words to express his regret.  He began to wonder if there were words adequate to express how he felt. Eventually, he decided to follow the maxim “actions speak louder than words” and do his best to show her, and others, how much he cared.  He made a list of things he could do and added to it over the following days.

First on the list was to visit Geillis at the Redcoat Café.  Claire had told him that Geillis didn’t want to employ anyone else while she was on prac, but Claire knew being there on her own would be difficult.  He arrived after a morning lecture and, with barely a word, started unstacking clean dishes and restacking the dirty crockery and cutlery in the dishwasher.  He wiped down the benches and cleared a few dirty tables.  Geillis was busy watching him as she took orders and served. Eventually, Geillis had time to speak to him: “Why are ye doing that, Jamie?”

“I knew ye’d be busy without Claire and I wanted to show ye that I do care.  I’ve got some humble pie to eat Geillis”, he smiled.

Geillis laughed: “I might add that to the menu, Jamie.”, she told him before the next group of customers arrived.

Jamie stayed for several hours.  When the rush was over Geillis thanked him: “I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon to give ye a hand after tutorials.  Oh, and I brought this for Claire.  I’ll put it in her room.”

Jamie headed into Claire’s room with a small box, her name carefully written on it inside a heart.  He left it in the middle of her desk and headed home.

When Claire came home from the hospital, she was exhausted.  Geillis made her a small pot of tea and they shared details of their day, including Jamie’s surprise visit to help in the café.

“He told me it was time for him to eat some humble pie. He left something in yer room too, Claire”, Geillis told her.

Claire headed into her room and found the small box.  She smiled at the heart drawn on it and opened it.  Inside was a small paperweight of peonies and daphne and a note: _Fresh flowers soon wilt.  I wanted you to know that I will be eternally sorry for how I hurt you.  Love you, Jamie._

Claire smiled and considered what John had said about Jamie and Laoghaire: _He is so much better than she deserves._ Maybe he was setting out to prove John right.

The following day, Jamie returned to help in the café.  He cleaned, served and joked with customers for several hours.  Geillis was impressed and told him so.  He gave her a wide smile: “I’m glad ye’ve been able to see I’m no’ always an idiot.”  Again, he left something in Claire’s room; this time a card showing an elderly couple walking down a street in Paris.  Written inside: _I think this could be us after we’ve had four children and spent a wonderful life together.  I hope so.  All my love, Jamie._   Claire placed it by her bed so she could look at it when she woke.

Each day Claire came home to find that Jamie had helped Geillis and left something small for her.  On Friday, she arrived to find a photo of herself in sunglasses in a frame.  She couldn’t even recall when it could have been taken.  When she saw Jamie on Saturday, she asked him: “Well, it was actually taken that day you were working for Glenna and I said things I wished I’d never said about snaffling John and that.  Ye went outside when ye’d finished.  The sun was low and ye let yer hair down and put yer sunglasses on.  Ye were trying to avoid me, but I was watching ye and thinking “what’s John got that I haven’t?”  Christ, he’s a wonderful friend but I was so jealous of yer friendship. I was sure ye were lovers.”

“But that was ages ago!”, Claire said looking surprised.

“Aye, well I’d been watching ye for a while, but I think that was the day I fell in love with ye.  Ye were so feisty and beautiful and that’s when I really started to be drawn to ye”, he smiled.

“Like a moth?” she smiled back.

“Exactly.  Boy did ye burn me that day!” he laughed.

Jamie was still waiting on more results from the sexual health check, and for his two-week follow-up.  He could see the infected bite was improving, but he certainly wasn’t going to show it to Claire.  He had been wearing his shirt collars up to cover the slowly-fading love bites.  He and Claire spent some time together on the weekend, slowly mending the damage caused by his drunken revels.  They both helped Geillis in the café, giving her a well-deserved rest.

At the end of the day, they had a small meal and tea together.  “This is what is different about you and me”, Jamie smiled.  “I just enjoy being with ye, talking about anything, playing with yer hair and touching ye.  I’ve not had that before, and I like it.”

“Me too.  I’ve had my walls up for a long time, afraid of being hurt by loss yet again, and that’s partly why I was so _deeply_ hurt by what you did.  I’d let you into my personal realm and I rarely let anyone in there”.  Claire sighed: “I’ve opened the door to you again, Jamie, but you can only put one foot in the door.  Geillis told me about you eating humble pie.  I love that you did all that for her – and for me – but I’m not ready to fully commit to you again.  Not yet, anyway.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about my life.  Compared to you, it’s been pretty easy.  Wonderful parents, stable home, a brother who whips my arse sometimes but still loves me, a sister who drives me crazy but would kill anyone who tried to hurt me.  I’ve never really had to worry about stability.  I’ve always been able to go home for a dose of unconditional love.  I can see that yer life hasna been that easy and that means ye see life from a different perspective than me.  I never meant to hurt ye, but I understand that I did.  Do you think ye can forgive me over time?  I want to show ye how much ye mean to me, Claire.  I understand now why yer walls are back up.”

“Not by choice, by necessity”, she said quietly as her hand brushed his.  “But thank you.  I guess time is supposed to be a healer.  Let’s see how your tests go and we’ll catch up next weekend.  I’ve got another week on placement.”  She kissed his cheek: “I still have strong feelings for you Jamie, but building trust again is going to be hard.”

He reached across and held her arm: “I can wait Claire.  For once, I’ve really thought about what I want from life and what I choose is you.  I just hope you’ll choose me.”


	14. Malicious intent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Claire is on medical prac at the GUM (Genito-Urinary Medicine) Clinic when she encounters an unwelcome visitor.
> 
> Just a note about the statistics used in this chapter: they all came from reputable sources, i.e. medical and government. 
> 
> If you are interested in how the number of sexual partners encounters is calculated, there is an interesting read at: https://www.elitedaily.com/dating/sex/sexual-partners-exposed-during-sex/1828781

 

 

 

 

The following week Claire was in the GUM clinic at the Infirmary.  After a few days, she was in mild shock at what she was seeing and hearing.  It seemed that Jamie’s issues were the tip of a much larger iceberg.

Over 15,600 diagnoses of genital chlamydia in Scotland in a year – and increasing.  Gonorrhoea diagnoses up 64% over five years - the largest number recorded in recent times. Syphilis diagnoses at the highest annual total in nearly 70 years.  Genital herpes diagnoses were also on the rise over a period of ten years.

Charles, the doctor supervising her placement, had showed her a research paper which indicated that 50 percent to 80 percent of U.S. adults have oral herpes. According to the National Institutes of Health, about 90 percent of adults have been exposed to the virus by age 50. Once infected, a person will have herpes simplex virus for the rest of his or her life. An estimated 3.7 billion people under age 50 (67%) have HSV-1 infection globally. An estimated 417 million people aged 15-49 (11%) worldwide have HSV-2 infection.  Claire was gobsmacked.

What horrified Claire was that one of the roles of the clinic was to detect people who were _deliberately_ infecting others with HIV.  Charles told her and another medical student:

“If there is evidence that a person intentionally set out to transmit HIV to another person, assault laws could be used to prosecute them. Scotland is the only place in the UK where people can be prosecuted for recklessly exposing another person to infection, without transmission occurring.’

“But why?  Why would someone do that?”, Claire asked him.

“Sometimes because it was done to them, sometimes because they’re angry they contracted HIV.  There are no explanations for some people.  There are few cases, but the legal system saw enough examples to make it necessary.  Telling someone they have a diagnosis is one of my least favourite jobs, believe me,” Charles told her.

“So, if a person has a diagnosis of an STI of any sort, they should tell their sexual partners to be tested?”, Claire asked.

“Oh, of course.  Sadly, many people don’t.  They’re too embarrassed, ignorant or angry and consequently they spread it to others.  We’re advising anyone to have a sexual health check before they enter into a sexual relationship with anyone.  Unfortunately, our main problem is casual sex.  A lot of people don’t even know the person’s name, never mind what STIs they might have.  When you have sex with someone, you have sex indirectly with all the people they’ve had sex with.  Research has shown that if you have sex with six partners it means you've theoretically been exposed to 78 people.”

Claire felt a bit sick.  Maybe she’d become a nun – if she were a Catholic.  She looked out at the waiting room and wondered how many people sitting there had been infected by people who _knew_ they had an STI – and then she saw Laoghaire.  She realised that Laoghaire’s suspension had meant she couldn’t use the university’s student health service and had come to the GUM clinic instead.  She prayed she wouldn’t have to be involved with her.

The next few hours were tense.  Claire saw a stream of people being called up for tests and results, many of whom she saw with Charles.  She breathed a sigh of relief when she realised Laoghaire had left.  Half an hour later, her shift finished, and she headed home.  She had only walked metres from the building when she heard a familiar voice:

“So, I hear Jamie cheated on ye with Malva.  That brought a smile to my face.”

She turned to see Laoghaire with a smug look on her supercilious face, her arms folded as she leaned against the wall eyeing Claire.  Claire was debating whether to just keep walking when Laoghaire continued:

“I told Malva Jamie fancied her.  I knew there was a good chance she had the clap or something and he’d get it.  All she needed to do was get him pissed, like I did.  He never could refuse a drink. The bottle of _Spirytus_ I gave her probably helped too. Did he give the clap to ye as well?  That would be the icing on the cake. Jamie Fraser was mine before ye came along.”  

Claire felt the tears prick her eyes.  She wanted to slap Laoghaire’s face, but her feet felt like concrete.  She was weighted to the spot.

What Laoghaire hadn’t seen was her grandmother just around the corner.  She had come to pick her up from her appointment.  The look of disgust on Glenna’s face would be etched in Claire’s memory forever.  Glenna slapped Laoghaire’s face so hard Claire thought her head would fly off her shoulders:

“Ye wicked wee bitch.  If ye think ye’ll work for me or I’ll pay yer university fees any more, you’re mistaken.  No doubt that bottle of _Spirytus_ came from my store room. For years people have told me you’re a nasty piece of work and I’ve always defended ye.  No more.  Get to the car now!” she shrieked.  Laoghaire stumbled away in shock, holding her face.

Glenna turned towards Claire: “I canna tell ye how sorry I am Claire.  I’m ashamed of my granddaughter.  I told her months ago that ye should be her role model and I meant it.  Ye’ll not see her around here anymore.  She’ll be going to work on her uncle’s farm and earn her keep.  Mucking out stables is more than she deserves right now.”  Glenna reached into her bag and pulled out some notes: “Here’s yer taxi fare home dear.  Go home knowing that she’ll no’ be darkening yer or Jamie’s door again.  And she’ll pay for what she did to ye with that book too.”  Glenna kissed her on the cheek and walked away, taking Laoghaire with her.

Claire stood there, shaking.  She felt an arm around her shoulder.  It was Charles, her supervising doctor: “Get in my car.  I’ll give you a lift home Claire.  You just saw the kind of malicious people we sometimes have to deal with.”

“You heard all that?”, Claire said in shock.

“I did.  If her grandmother hadn’t stepped in, I would have.  Her grandmother was spot on - what a nasty piece of work that girl is.”

Charles took her arm and led her to his car.  Claire was still stunned when they arrived at the Redcoat Café.  Charles helped her out of the car and to the door of the café.  He knocked on the door, which was answered by John, who’d come to see Claire and Geillis.

“Charles, what a lovely surprise!”, John said.  “What are you doing here?  Come in.”

Charles and Claire sat at one of the tables with John in the closed café while Geillis made tea and coffee.  Charles told them about Laoghaire and her grandmother, while Claire sipped her tea.  He also explained that _Spirytus Rektyfikowany_ was 96% alcohol.  He’d seen people with alcohol poisoning in ER after consuming it. Undiluted, it could be deadly. John was speechless.  Geillis could only say: “That wee bitch!” repeatedly.

“Thank God Charles was there”, Claire finally said.  “I felt like a statue frozen to the spot and he knew exactly what to do.  I didn’t think anyone, even Laoghaire, was capable of that.”  She poured more tea and watched a broad smile appear on John’s face.

After Charles had left, and Geillis was packing away the crockery, John put his hand on Claire’s: “Stamp of approval?” he asked with a wicked grin.

“You and Charles?  Seriously?”, she whispered.  He nodded.

“Oh John. Stamp of approval for sure. Absolutely, he is gorgeous”, Claire said with a broad grin.

“Yes, he is.  I’m in love Claire!”. 

A bad day ending with the best news.

When Claire had finished her tea, John suggested he drive Claire over to see Jamie: “I think he needs to know what happened Claire.  He needs to be aware of how malicious Laoghaire was towards him as well as you.”

“I think I’ve had enough shit kicked out of me by love”, Claire smiled.  “But you’re right, let’s go.”


	15. An ill-wish on steroids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie is made aware of Laoghaire and Malva's dangerous actions. As a reader put it, instead of placing an ill-wish under Claire and Jamie's bed, Laoghaire conspired to put an STI infected Malva in Jamie's bed. (Thanks Janmarie.)

 

 

 

 

 

When Claire and John arrived at the Fraser boys’ apartment, Willie answered the door and invited them in.

“Jamie’s no’ here at the moment, but he should be home soon.  He’s gone to see our rugby coach”, Willie told them as he put the kettle on.  “He’ll tell ye more about it, I suppose.”  He took some biscuits from the cupboard and served up tea and coffee just as Jamie’s keys were heard in the lock.  Jamie shook John’s hand and kissed Claire on the top of her head, then sat down with a glass of water.

“Are ye going to tell them why ye went to see coach?”, Willie asked.

“Aye.  I told coach we should have a meeting of the team to talk about STIs and how they’re spread.  I think everyone should have a sexual health check, and he agreed we should be talking about it”, Jamie told them.

“Because of Malva?”, John asked.

“No.  I dinna want to see Malva blamed alone.  After all, if she’s got STIs she had to get them from someone else, didn’t she?”, Jamie replied.

There was a pause in the conversation.  Claire wasn’t sure how to broach the subject of Laoghaire, so John took the first step: “We came to tell you about something that happened at the GUM clinic today, Jamie.  Our friend Charles brought Claire home this evening and told us what had happened.”

Claire gave her account of what occurred.  Jamie and Willie were wide eyed and silent as she spoke.  When she finished, they took a few moments to process all that she had told them.  Willie finally spoke: “Christ, that woman has no scruples at all, does she? Glenna must be broken hearted.  It’s incredible!  Like the old ill-wish on steroids.  She and Malva could have killed ye Jamie.  It’s frightening.”

“You know the irony of all this?”, Jamie said looking pensive.  “If I hadna got drunk, I would never have been with Laoghaire in the first place.  In fact, if I hadna got drunk I would never have been with any of them.  I will never forgive Laoghaire or Malva, but I canna forgive myself either.  Excuse me.” Jamie went into his bedroom and shut the door, leaving the other three sitting looking at one another.  Moments later, they heard Jamie’s fist hit the wall of his room and Claire jumped up and ran into the room.

“Jamie, what the hell are you doing?”, she asked.

“I’m cursing myself for my own stupidity”, he cried. 

“Your drink was spiked, Jamie”, she said with furrowed brow.

“Aye, but _I am the one who drank it_.  She knew I’d drink it because I didna know when to stop.  I just drunk whatever was given me.  And I _could_ have passed an infection on to ye without knowing. And now ye’ll leave me for someone like yer friend Charles, who’s got more sense than an idiot like me.”  Tears were rolling down his face as he looked at his bloody fist swelling.

Claire sat Jamie down on the bed and looked at his fist: “I’ll ask Willie if you have an ice pack or get you a cold compress to reduce the swelling.”  She went to leave the room, but Jamie held her arm.  “Ye’re coming back aren’t ye?  Ye’re not leaving?”

“No, I’m not leaving”, Claire assured him.  Willie appeared in the doorway holding an icepack and first aid kit.  Claire cleaned the wound and applied the ice pack.  She gave Jamie a hug: “Charles is just a friend, Jamie.  He’s my supervising doctor.  The last thing I need in my life now is the complication of another relationship.”  To have told Jamie anything else would have been a betrayal of John’s secret, and she could never be disloyal to John.  “Jamie, you could have been one of those people who gets an STI and doesn’t tell anyone. They just spread it to unsuspecting partners. You did the right thing.  You were honest.  Yes, you need to review your drinking, but anyone could’ve got caught out by a spiked drink.  It happens every day because some people are bastards.  In Laoghaire’s case – the ultimate bitch.”

When Jamie had settled down, the four of them talked about Jamie’s proposal to the coach.  All were agreed that it was a good idea, and that the issue was bigger than any of them had realised.  And Claire suggested it needed to include all the cheerleaders, to which John responded: “Good luck with that, Claire!  Their parents think they’re beautiful little angels.”

They chatted late into the night, until finally Claire said: “I really need to go.  I have to be up early to get to the GUM Clinic tomorrow.  I’ll catch up with you on the weekend, Jamie.”

John rose and took his car keys from his pocket.  As he and Claire went to leave, Jamie held her arm: “Claire, can I come to the clinic tomorrow and walk ye home?  I’ll have the results of my second round of tests by then.”

“Sure.  I’d like that”, she said and gave him a hug.

As they drove back to the Redcoat, John asked: “Did you tell him about me and Charles?”.

“Of course not.  That would have been a breach of trust.  I made a promise to keep your secret, and I meant it.  But Charles is great, John.  When are you going to tell people about your relationship?” Claire asked.

“A family bash this weekend.  I need to tell the family first, I think. I’m nervous as hell, Claire.  I hope they like him”, John said nervously.

“Let me know if you want moral support, John.  You know I’ll be there for you, don’t you?”, Claire told him.

“I do, thanks Claire”.

Claire found sleep difficult that night.  It was possible that Jamie’s drink had been spiked more than once.  Even if it hadn’t, there was no going back to the way things were.  Jamie had to live with HSV for the rest of his life, and it was likely due to the malicious behaviour of Laoghaire. 

Jamie was also lying awake.  There was so much spinning around in his brain that sleep was virtually impossible.  He ran through things in his mind over and over, trying to remember what happened that fateful night.  His memory was a blur.  Others had told him bits and pieces of what they saw, but it was all a jigsaw with pieces missing.  Now he knew why.  But nothing could change the outcome.  And he thought of Claire and how much he wanted her to be with him.  And it hurt because he was pretty sure he was losing her.

The next day was another busy one at the GUM Clinic.  The queue of people seeking testing for STIs seemed to be endless.  Claire was also involved with a few sexual assault victims, including one girl of only 12 years of age.  Any illusions she had of medicine being a glamour career had long disappeared, but this case was particularly heartbreaking.  As usual, Charles was calm, reassuring, professional and caring.  Claire was delighted John had found him.

Jamie was waiting outside the clinic when she finished for the day.  He was pleased to see her, giving her a hug and looking a little more relaxed.

“You’re looking better than last night”, she said digging him in the ribs.

“Aye, cleared of chlamydia and everything else is healing up well.  ‘Tis a relief, Claire.  Of course, I know that the HSV is still a problem though.  The doctor’s told me that I have to take an antiviral tablet every day and I have to use condoms too.”  He stopped and held Claire’s shoulders, then gently lifted her chin with one hand.  “Claire, are ye willing to take a chance with me?  I love ye and I dinna want to hurt ye any more than I already have. I havena drunk since that night and I don’t intend to.  I know it may seem a bit late, but I know now how dangerous it can be.  I’ve learned the hard way.”

“I need a bit more time, Jamie”, she told him.

“Aye, it’s a big decision.  I understand.  I needed to ask, but I can wait”.  He kissed her on the forehead, and they walked to the Redcoat, hand in hand. 


	16. Secrets but not lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie is rattled when he sees Claire with another man.

 

 

 

 

 

The following evening, Claire had arranged to meet up with John and Charles.  She hadn’t told Jamie as it would be difficult to explain why he wasn’t invited.  John hadn’t wanted to invite any other friends as Claire was the only person he had revealed his secret to.  John’s close family and several of Charles’ friends had been invited to the nearby tapas bar.  Charles and John were going to announce their relationship. John had asked Claire to go for moral support.  It wasn’t a particularly formal gathering, but Claire dressed up a little for John’s sake.  He and Charles were unbelievably nervous when they picked her up at the Redcoat.

When they arrived at the bar, just a block from the university, Charles was so nervous his hands were shaking.  Normally so calm and together, his nerves were on edge. Claire looked on sympathetically: “Charles, they’re going to love you and John together.  How could they not?”  She placed her hands on his shoulders and kissed his cheek.  “Now, we’re going to go in there arm-in-arm and if you start shaking I’ll hold you tight to reassure you.  Alright?”

Claire linked arms with Charles, put her head on his shoulder and said quietly: “You and John are the perfect couple and I am proud to be one of your friends.  We’re going in …”

Jamie, out for a run, was watching from the other side of the road.  His heart sank.  He stood behind a parked car and watched as Claire and Charles walked into the bar clinging to one another, John holding the door open.  He watched through the windows of the bar as they were greeted by the gathered family and friends, as Charles’ arm moved around Claire’s shoulders and Claire’s arm around his back.  Jamie watched for a few more minutes then ran home at speed, running out the rage.  He threw the apartment door open and stomped into the kitchen, where Willie was making a stir-fry for dinner with Isobel.

Willie took one look at Jamie and knew he was on edge: “What’s got you so riled up?” he asked.

“I just saw Claire and John with a guy who was making moves on Claire.  I saw them together at that tapas bar near the university, with a group of friends - touching all the time.  He’s seeing her behind my back, the bastard.  I need a beer.”  He reached towards the fridge.  Willie stood with his back to the fridge door: “Not a good idea, brother.”

Willie looked over at Isobel: “What do you think?”

“I think drink got you in a lot of trouble recently, Jamie.  Come and sit down.”  She patted her hand on the dining chair next to her.  Jamie slumped into the chair, looking disgruntled.

Isobel put her hand on Jamie’s arm: “What are you really worried about Jamie?  You think Claire and John would betray you?  After all that’s happened, you think they’d lie to you?”

Willie plated the stir fry on to three plates and served them.  He looked at his brother: “Jamie, when we left the rugby club that night ye said ye were coming home in an hour.  Claire trusted ye.  Even when she saw ye looking like ye’d been in an orgy at a brothel, she eventually gave ye the chance to explain.  And here ye are going off and wanting grog the first time something goes wrong. Are ye saying ye don’t trust _her_ after all that?”

Jamie stabbed at his food and ate a few mouthfuls as he reflected.  “I’m terrified of losing her.  I’ve never had these _intense_ feelings for anyone before. Seeing her like that with _him_ and John scared the shit out of me.  If John hadn’t been there, I’d have been tempted to punch him in the face.”

Isobel smiled: “If you did that, I can virtually guarantee you would lose Claire.  She’s a strong person and she’s fiercely independent.  Let’s be honest, you wouldn’t have been so drawn to her if she’d been the meek and obedient type.  You will never _own_ Claire, Jamie.  If you truly want her, you need to be the person she wants to come back to.  I think a lot of people are amazed that she’s given you a second chance, even if your drink was spiked.  It says a lot about her feelings for you and her strength of character.”

Jamie smiled: “I suppose ye’re right.  I need to let her explain. My first test and I almost turned to alcohol.  I’ve still got some work to do on myself.  I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching of late.” 

They finished their meal and had coffee.  Jamie did the washing up as a way of thanking Willie and Isobel for the meal and the pep talk.  He was just putting the cutlery away when there was a knock on the door.  It was Claire, Charles and John, looking very pleased with themselves.  Jamie held back, not sure what to say as Willie invited them in.

“We’ve got some news for you”, John said excitedly.  “This is Charles.”

Jamie frowned, until John added: “I can officially announce that I’m gay and I’m in a relationship with Charles, Claire’s supervising doctor at the Royal Edinburgh.  It’s so good to be able to talk about it!”

Claire walked towards Jamie and said quietly: “I couldn’t tell you before because John wanted it kept secret until he’d told his family.  I went with them as moral support.  Charles was uncharacteristically nervous, but it went really well.”

“Ye knew and ye didna tell me?” Jamie said, looking puzzled.

“I couldn’t breach John’s trust.  The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them”, Claire told him.

“Aye, I suppose ye’re right”, Jamie smiled.  There was a delicious irony in what she had just said.  Even after all that had happened to him, Claire had been open to his explanations, and to considering his perspective when they found out about Laoghaire and Malva.  She had chosen to stand by him despite everything, and yet he had doubted her.  He momentarily considered self-flagellation as a new exercise routine.

The friends sat round the dining table, talking about how difficult it had been for John to come out until he found Charles.  John talked about how supportive Claire had been and they laughed as she talked about her “gaydar”.  Jamie was very quiet.  Here was the woman he adored supporting one of his oldest and best friends through a major life challenge, and he had doubted her.  Once again, Claire had proved herself to be the woman he wanted in his life.  Isobel was right – he needed to be the person she wanted to come back to. 

He looked across the table at Willie, who was giving him a thumbs up. They smiled at one another.  They had a childhood habit of giving one another a thumbs up when things worked out well.  Jamie gave him the thumbs up back then put his hand over Claire’s.


	17. When life gives you lemons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when Claire thought life was a bit difficult, she is knocked for six.
> 
> Six is an important number in this chapter. Charles also tells her that "one in six" is an important statistic.

 

 

 

 

The following day, Claire took Charles aside: “Can I be a patient for a while today?  I want to ask your advice on something please?”

As usual, Charles was kind and reassuring: “Of course.  At the end of the day suit you?”  Claire agreed.

When surgeries were finished and there was time to talk, Charles and Claire sat down with a hot cuppa each and Claire told him the tale of Jamie, his drinking and his herpes.  Charles sat sponging up the details then stood and reached to his bookcase.  He handed a book to Claire: _Yes, I Have Herpes: A Gynaecologist’s Perspective In and Out of the Stirrups._

“I think you and Jamie should read this, Claire.  It’s written by a female doctor who contracted HSV during her first relationship.  She felt shameful for years and didn’t tell her partners. We know what that leads to.  When she realised 1 in 6 people in the US had genital herpes, she decided to educate the public about how common it had become.  She points out that with the prevalence of oral sex there is an increase in genital herpes.  I’m suggesting it because you and Jamie already know that he has HSV.  You can deal with it.  You could enter into a relationship with someone else who doesn’t know they have an STI or doesn’t want to tell you and you would be no better off.  In fact, you could be worse off.  Talk to one another about it openly.  If you love one another, you can work it out.  From the little I saw at that first meeting with Jamie, I’d say there’s a lot of love to build on. Honesty is the key.  Only you can decide if you want this though.”

Claire went home and read the entire book that night. All that Charles had said made sense.  Claire was confident that Jamie would be at the Redcoat to help Geillis the next day, so she left the book for him (in a plain brown envelope, of course) with a note: _Jamie, Charles lent me this book.  I think you need to read it.  Love, Claire._

When Claire got home to the Redcoat that night, Jamie was avidly reading the book after helping Geillis in the café.  Geillis had walked to the night safe with the day’s takings.  Jamie and Claire were discussing the contents of the book when there was a tapping on the door.  Outside, in the rain, was John.  Claire opened the door.  One look at John’s face told her something was wrong:

“Get your coats”, he told Claire and Jamie, “we have to get to the hospital.”

Claire froze to the spot: “John, what’s happened?”

“Charles just rang me.  Geillis was hit by a drunk driver near the bank.  She’s been taken to the Royal Edinburgh.  Charles is in ER with her now.”

Claire and Jamie grabbed their jackets and raced to the car with John.  When they arrived at emergency, they ran in and waited to gain admittance to Geillis.  It was taking a while, in which time Claire paced the corridor like a cat stalking its prey.  Every time a door opened, or a phone rang, she jumped nervously and then returned to her stalking.  After what seemed like hours (Jamie timed it – it was 15 minutes), Charles appeared at a door at the end of the corridor and beckoned them in:

“I’ll let all three of you in briefly, but then we’ll have to limit her visitors.  She’s regained consciousness but she’s very groggy.  Prepare yourselves for some heavy bruising and lacerations.  She’s been to radiology and we’re waiting for the results”, Charles warned them. 

He led them to a corner bed surrounded by closed curtains.  Claire peeked in and shook at the sight of Geillis.  She was black and blue, her hair matted.  Jamie grabbed her shoulders, fearing she would collapse, and led her to a chair by the bed.  He stood behind the chair and held her as she sobbed at the sight of her friend, who was drifting in and out of sleep.  Claire was all too familiar with the range of drips and monitors around the bed, but knowing they were attached to her best friend made it all deeply personal and just a tad surreal.

Claire reached for Geillis’ hand and gently held it.  She felt a light squeeze of her hand, which loosened moments later.  She hoped that meant Geillis was aware that she was there.  Several nurses were recording observations and changing drips as they ran dry.  Charles was in discussions with other doctors.

Eventually, Charles returned: “Radiology have found she has a broken femur in her right leg.  There is severe bruising elsewhere, but she appears to have taken most of the force at that point.”

Claire looked at Charles with concern: “The femur is the strongest bone in the body.  She must have been hit with considerable force.”

Charles nodded in agreement: “And likely at quite some speed.  The police did a breath test on the driver and are currently doing a blood test for a more accurate alcohol reading.  Witnesses said he fell out of the car after hitting her, virtually unable to walk.  Geillis was on the bonnet.”

“I wish I could get my hands on the bastard”, Claire exclaimed.

Jamie immediately thought of what the doctor had told him after his sexual health check: _“if you are drinking to excess you could put yourself in situations which might endanger your life and the lives of others.  I wouldn’t want to see the results of that.”_ Well, he was looking at the results of excessive drinking – Geillis.

Geillis was scheduled for surgery early the following morning.  Claire refused to leave her bedside, and Jamie told John he would stay with her.  John told them he would return in the morning and headed home.

Sure enough the next morning, when Geillis had gone into surgery, John arrived at the hospital.

“Claire, let’s go to the Redcoat.  You can have a shower and change your clothes and then I’ll drive you back while Geillis is in recovery”, John told her. 

“Oh God, I didn’t even consider the café.  It should be open in five minutes”.  Claire was clearly exhausted but didn’t want to let Geillis down.

John smiled as he and Jamie led her to the car.  “You don’t need to worry about it, Claire.  We’ll get it sorted.”

On arrival at the Redcoat, Claire couldn’t believe what she saw.  Isobel was cleaning the floor, Willie was setting tables and Glenna was setting up the barista machine.  Busy at the chopping boards was a chap she’d never seen before.  Glenna approached Claire and Jamie:

“I didna know what I could do to make up for what Laoghaire did to ye, but when John told me what happened to yer friend Geillis I spoke to Rupert.  We’re going to keep the café open until she’s able to come back to work so she’ll have a business to come back to.  I’ve got plenty of staff I can call on to help out, but Rupert will be here every day to take charge”, Glenna told Claire.  Rupert walked over and kissed Claire on the cheek:

“I was sorry to hear about yer friend.  Ye can tell her that there’s a Mackenzie chef here to run the show.  Ye can also tell her that she needs a decent knife sharpener and a new blender”, he laughed.

Claire turned to John: “Did you organise all this John?”

John hugged her: “One call to Glenna was all it took.  Then Willie rang Isobel and they came down to help.  I’m your chauffeur for the day.  Go and clean yourself up so we’re back when Geillis comes out of surgery”, he said patting her on the bottom.

Jamie held Claire as she cried – again – then led her off to the bedroom to help her get organised.  She was a weeping zombie.

 

 


	18. The moment in the rose-garden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The moment in the rose garden" is from T.S. Eliot's "Burnt Norton". The visit to the rose garden in the old English manor house (Burnt Norton) represents a time of beauty and simplicity in an otherwise difficult time in Eliot's life. Claire chooses this moment to make a decision about what she wants in her life.

 

 

 

 

 

Jamie and others saw a different Claire for a few days.  Usually so strong, she revealed a rare fragility. She and Geillis had been family to one another for years and seeing her dependable friend badly injured shocked Claire to the core.  She and Jamie spent another entire day with Geillis, until finally John and Jamie convinced Claire that she needed to rest.

“You’re no good to Geillis if you’re half dead, Claire.  Charles is coming in for the night shift and has promised to look in on Geillis regularly.  If there’s a problem, he’ll ring”, John assured her.  “Everything at the Redcoat is taken care of.  You need to rest.”

Claire finally agreed, but with a proviso: “Can I come back to your place Jamie?  Or can you come to the Redcoat?  I don’t want to be alone.”

“Aye.  You choose Claire”, Jamie replied.  She chose the Redcoat.  John dropped them off, promising to pick them up the next morning.  Claire looked around – everything was spotless.  There were some changes to the menu board to suit Rupert’s style, but all was well.

“Jamie, thanks for coming back with me.  There are towels in the bathroom if you want a shower.  I can wash your clothes if you want, we have an industrial drier for all the linen.  I’ll just make us some sandwiches and tea”, Claire offered.

“Thanks Claire.  I must smell like the homeless by now.”  Jamie had a shower and returned wearing the huge towelling gown left on the back of the bathroom door, a gown which would fit two Claires.  Claire had put his dirty washing in the machine.  She presented Jamie with some food and they ate in near silence.  As she ate, Claire looked up and saw the glowing freshness of Jamie's skin, his damp curls peeking out from the hood on the towelling gown, and the stubble around his unshaven face.  She thought of his kindness and gentle support while she was fretting about Geillis.  The gentle way he drew her in to his chest and made her feel safe and loved. Claire spoke suddenly:

“Jamie, will you come to bed with me tonight?  I need you close.  I wouldn’t have coped without you these past few days.  I would have fallen apart if you hadn’t been there for me.”  She looked at him, teary-eyed.  “Please?”

Jamie dropped his sandwich on the plate.  “Claire, you know I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone or anything in my life, but I don’t want to take advantage of your vulnerability.  I want you to do this because it’s what you truly want.  It’s a big decision. If I came to bed with you, it could only be to sleep and that might be a wee bit difficult.  And I don’t have any condoms.  So we can’t, remember?”

“I have some.  They’re Glow in the Dark and there are 12 in a packet”, Claire said with the smuggest grin she could muster.  “I got them after I read that book Charles gave me.  I’ve decided. I can either have you with HSV and be happy, or not have you and be miserable.  I decided that just before Geillis was hit.  I want you in my life Jamie.  I don’t think we should both pay for something that wasn’t our fault. And I want you to make love to me.”

Claire walked over to a shocked Jamie and perched herself on his lap, her arms around his shoulders, and whispered in his ear: “Do you want to make love to me Jamie? Do you want to Glow in the Dark?  Because I want you to do wicked things to me.  I’m in love with you, Jamie Fraser.”

Jamie rose from the chair, carrying Claire in his arms, and pushed the bedroom door open with his foot.  He stood her next to the bed.  She was wearing a dress with a long zip down her back.  He pulled down the tab and the dress fell to the floor.  He stopped to look at her in her bra and pants: “I’ve imagined this moment for months Claire, but now I’m nervous as hell.  Are ye sure?”

She pulled the belt from his dressing gown and it fell open: “You may be nervous Jamie, but you’re certainly ready.  And yes, I’m sure.”  She reached forward to the bedside drawers and took out the box of condoms.  “Do you want me to put one of these on you?”

He nodded.  Claire pushed the towelling gown off Jamie’s shoulders, and he stood before her, naked. As Claire unwrapped the condom, Jamie removed her bra and stroked her breasts.  “Christ Claire, this is like a dream.  I’m frightened I’ll wake up.”

“When you wake up Fraser, you will be in my bed and we will have made love and it will have been perfect.  No pressure”, she laughed.  She rolled the condom down his penis, which was standing to attention in anticipation.  Jamie laid her down on the bed and pushed her knickers down her legs.  She kicked them off.  They kissed and he placed two fingers between her legs and stroked her clitoris.  Claire gasped and grabbed his shoulders.

“Are ye alright Sassenach?”, he whispered in her ear.  “Do ye want me to stop?”

“God, no!”, she gasped.

He gently slipped one finger into her and moved it slowly in and out.  Claire was beginning to move in time with him and he placed a second finger in her.  She was shuddering and could feel herself becoming wetter.  She leaned into Jamie, kissing him and biting his neck: “I want it all now Jamie.  I want all of you.”

He raised his body above her and guided himself in a little: “If it hurts, ye must tell me.  I want ye to enjoy it, Claire.”  He edged in a little more and she gasped: “All of you.  Now.”  She pushed her hips down as she tugged on his buttocks and squealed.

“Claire, I canna stop now”, he gasped.

“I don’t want you to stop!” she cried.

There was an initial rush of pain, but then Claire felt Jamie’s body inside hers and cried out for more.  She’d never experienced raw passion before, and she couldn’t get enough.  She was rolling, gasping and shuddering, calling out Jamie’s name.  She was literally seeing stars as he thrust into her repeatedly.  Jamie had one final thrust and she felt a bursting sensation in her.  Even with a condom, she could feel the rush.  After a few seconds, Jamie rolled off her and laid beside her, his arm running around the back of her head.  He pulled her into his side: “Christ Claire, ye’re amazing.  That was … unbelievable.”

She kissed his chest: “When can we do it again?”

“What?  Already?”, Jamie laughed.

“I want you over and over again.  All night”, Claire laughed.

“Ye came home for a rest, Sassenach”, Jamie smiled.

She climbed on top of him:  “You’ve created a monster, Jamie Fraser. You and your luscious body. We’re going to screw one another to death. We’ve got 11 more condoms to get through.”

He pulled her down towards him and kissed her: “I love ye Claire.  If I die, ye’re coming with me.”

“I can’t think of a nicer way to go Jamie.”

When she woke the following morning, Claire could feel Jamie’s body curled around her back in a perfect spoon.  His hand was on her breast.  She felt like they were cocooned in their own little space, safe from the world.  She moved a little and felt his lips on her shoulder: “Morning Sassenach.  You OK?”

“Never better, Jamie.  You?” she asked.

“I feel like the King of the World, _mo chidre._   After all, I’ve got you and glowing condoms.  What more could a man want?”  He paused for a moment.  “And thank you Sassenach.”

“What for?” she asked.

“Giving me a second chance to show how much I love ye.  I won’t let you down”, he said quietly.

“You’d better not.  Hell hath no fury like a woman who smashes champagne bottles on walls.”


	19. The process of change

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are changing in Claire and Jamies' world, and in the lives of their friends.

 

 

 

 

 

Claire knew Geillis was recovering - she was grumpy and demanding, but still had everyone laughing.  “Of course, the bastard had to break the longest bone in my body eh?  Couldn’t have broken a wee finger or something, oh no.  And now they tell me I’ve to go into rehab – makes me sound like a drug addict, for Christ’s sake.”

Claire was wearing a smile that belied the terrible fright she got when she first saw Geillis after the accident.  If Geillis was cursing, she knew she’d be alright.

“And what’s this Mackenzie chap doing in _my_ kitchen?  Making a mess I’ll be betting”, Geillis continued.

“The place is spotless, Geillis.  Honestly.  Things are going well, and the business will be running smoothly when you’re able to work there again”, Claire reassured her.

“Aye, well it’s kind of Glenna to do all that.  A life of penance for being related to that wee bitch Laoghaire.”  Geillis made a mock spitting motion after the name left her lips.  “She must be wishing abortion could be retrospective.”

The two women talked about rehab and what it might involve.  Eventually, Claire kissed Geillis on the cheek and headed off.  She had study to catch up on and needed to put in a few hours at the Redcoat as well.  Rupert was doing an amazing job, but he needed back-up.

That evening, she and Jamie ate together then promised one another they would catch up on reading.  It was futile.  Every time Claire looked up at Jamie, he was watching her and wearing a grin that said “do you want what I want?”  Finally, she stood and unzipped her jeans then looked at Jamie and said: “Let’s get our gear off Fraser.  I want you _so_ bad - race you to the bedroom.”  Jamie jumped up from his chair and chased her, telling her what he’d do to her when he caught up.

By the time they made it to the bed, there was a trail of clothing on the floor.  Jamie took a condom from the drawer and Claire grabbed it from him, laughing: “I’m putting it on you.  After all, that appendage is all _mine_ ”, she giggled.  As she opened the packet, Jamie was kissing her neck and squeezing her buttocks: “And that perfect arse is _mine_.  On the bed Sassenach.  I’ve been thinking about this all day.”

Claire decided that Jamie must have been thinking about making love a lot, because he covered every inch of her body at least once and managed to make their love-making last a lot longer than that first, slightly frenzied occasion.  She had never felt happier than that moment when he came and then kissed her with a passion she could never have imagined.

Jamie sighed with satisfaction: “Does it ever end, the wanting of ye?” he smiled.

“Well, we do seem to be pretty good at this copulation game, don’t we?” she laughed.  She rolled close to Jamie, laying her arm over his stomach.  “There’s the two of us now.”

“Aye.  It feels good.  I was worried for a while.  First, I thought you would end up with John, then I wondered about Charles and I felt like you were slipping away from me.  Unfortunately, I don’t have yer gaydar Sassenach. It was Willie who told me I needed to prove I was worth yer while.  He told me : ‘She willna give ye another chance if ye mess up again. And if ye did mess up, I’d be in line to punch yer face.’ My brother has a habit of telling it how it is.”

There was a brief silence. When Jamie looked sideways, he saw a single tear roll from Claire’s eye on to the pillow.  He had touched a nerve. He rolled towards her and kissed away the tear: “I know I’m a very lucky man, Claire.  I willna let ye down.  Promise.”

The next day, Geillis was moved into a rehab centre.  Claire would go in for daily updates and to support her friend, who was finding her physical limitations difficult.  She also wanted to be prepared for what would be needed when Geillis finally came home.

After the visit, she walked to the university to collect some assignment work.  She saw Isobel and they stopped to chat.

“I just want you to know that Geneva won’t be coming back here.  Daddy has managed to get her a place in a London university.  He probably bought it, knowing Daddy.  Although she’s my sister, I’m glad I don’t have to cope with her return, Claire.  Willie and I have become very close, and I don’t think Geneva would cope too well with that”, she told Claire.

“I’m glad Willie has seen the light and chosen the better sister.  I’m very happy for you Isobel, not only because of Willie but because you’ll be able to be yourself not Geneva’s sister”, Claire said placing her hand over Isobel’s.  “And thank you for all your support during that difficult time, Isobel.”

As they walked away from the campus, they saw Malva walking alone towards the gym.  “Willie told me that she’s no longer a cheerleader”, Isobel told Claire.  “I understand coach told her that he didn’t want her associated with the team any more.  Willie suspects the sexual health checks were very revealing, although we’ll probably never know. From what I’ve heard, she’s become a bit of a social outcast.”

“It’s interesting isn’t it?  She has a reputation for sleeping with numerous players, but no-one seems to blame them.  She doesn’t deserve sympathy for what she did to Jamie, but it does seem a bit unfair that she is slut-shamed and the men who slept with her weren’t”, Claire said.

Isobel laughed.  “I think you’re a bit more generous than I would be Claire, but I generally agree with what you’re saying.  Men get labels like _player, ladies’ man, stud_ or _lad_ , whereas words used to describe a sexually active female are more like s _lut, whore, slag_ or _skank_.  It is a double standard.” 

They continued their walk.  Isobel finally asked Claire: “Have you forgiven Jamie for what happened, Claire?  You seem happy together.”

Claire thought before answering.  “In a way, I think Laoghaire’s outburst made it easier to forgive him.  When she told me she’d provided the bottle of _Spirytus,_ I felt he almost certainly knew little or nothing about what happened.  I blame her for providing it and Malva for using it.  I’ll never forgive either of them for that.  I think Jamie really has learned his lesson.  We are happy together.  He’s been a wonderful support while Geillis has been in hospital.”

Isobel held Claire’s arm: “I’ve never seen Jamie this happy, Claire.  Willie says he has been transformed by his relationship with you.  Like a crash course in growing up and seeing the world as it really is.”


	20. Evolving relationships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Life is a process of change.

 

 

 

 

 

Claire’s life was now feeling compartmentalized: waking up with Jamie, seeing Geillis, helping in the Redcoat, studying and going to bed with Jamie.  She looked forward to the bookends of her day.  There was always a sense of excitement when she and Jamie were alone together, experimenting with their love making and exploring their relationship.  They could talk about things openly and honestly.  It was refreshing. But the end of the day was her favourite.  Watching him remove the layers of clothing to reveal that mass of muscle was such an aphrodisiac.

Jamie enjoyed watching Claire – anything from cleaning her teeth, coming out of the shower, undressing in front of him and enticing him into the bedroom.  She was beautiful and tantalising, she was fun, and she could turn him on just by looking at him.  She was also brilliant – able to sum up complex situations in a single sentence.  Her mind was almost as beautiful as her body.  But what he loved most was that she was unaware of the effect she had on men.  She could walk through the university attracting interested looks from men and be oblivious to it, but when she saw him, she always beamed with happiness.  He had hated Laoghaire hanging on to him, but he experienced unbridled delight at being with Claire.

Geillis had now been in rehab for three weeks and would be coming home in a matter of days.  Claire was both looking forward to it and wondering how it was going to work.  She and Jamie had become so close, Rupert was running the Redcoat like a well-oiled machine and Geillis herself was unsure what to expect.

On the morning she came home, Geillis met Rupert for the first time.  John had wheeled her into the Redcoat in a wheelchair with Claire carrying her crutches and a wheelie bag.  Geillis was clearly planning on reclaiming her territory.  Claire thought watching and listening to her was akin to witnessing the Spanish Inquisition – “what have ye done with that?”, “why’s that there?”, “did ye need to change that?”.  It just went on and on.  Rupert listened to her awhile, then turned and smiled: “This wee gomerel has been running yer café for over a month now.  I did such a bad job that profits have risen 10% and customer numbers have improved.  Did ye no’ think to utter a simple ‘thank ye’ or are ye saving that up for a wee Christmas surprise?”

John and Claire stood behind the wheelchair trying not to laugh.  It was rare to see Geillis outdone by anyone, but Rupert was standing with his arms crossed waiting for a response and none was forthcoming.  “Has the cat got yer tongue?  Do ye need a coffee to lubricate yer vocal chords?”, he added.

Geillis didn’t know what to say.  Claire had rarely seen her speechless.  She had met her match.  Finally, Geillis smiled: “Aye, a coffee’d be grand thank ye.  As long as yer no’ expecting me to pay.”

The breakfast rush was over, so Rupert made teas and coffees for everyone and served up savoury scones.

Geillis took a bite of the scone and her face lit up: “I hate to say it, but these scones are better than mine.  What’s yer secret?” she asked.

Rupert was delighted.  “Well, for sweet scones I use lemonade, but for savoury scones I use soda water.  I think it sets off the onion, bacon and cheese better.”

Claire and John drifted away from the table and left the two gourmet chefs rattling on about favourite ingredient combinations and all things culinary.  In all the years Claire had known Geillis, she’d never seen her so comfortable with a man so quickly.  Particularly one who had put her in her place. John headed off to the university while Claire unpacked Geillis’ bags and put her clothes away.  When she returned to the kitchen, Geillis and Rupert were working together to produce lunch dishes.  Geillis had allowed a _man_ in _her_ kitchen.  Wonders never ceased.  Claire quietly set the tables, organised the jugs of water, swept and cleaned some surfaces, listening to Rupert and Geillis discussing favourite dishes.

The lunch rush passed quickly.  All went well.  Glenna turned up mid-afternoon to check on how things were progressing.  At Rupert’s suggestion, she agreed that he would stay to work with Geillis for a week and then they would review how things were going.

The next week proved to be interesting.

Jamie looked up from his lap top one evening, removed his reading glasses and stared at Claire.  She was reading, but felt his eyes penetrating her.  She looked up with a smile: “Want to go to bed early, do you?” she laughed. 

“No, come over here _mo chidre_ ”, he said pointing to the couch.  He sat down next to her and put his arm around his shoulders.  “I want to ask ye something, but I wonder if it might be a bit too soon”, he said seriously.

“Well, if you ask, I will give you an answer Jamie”, she smiled and kissed his cheek.

“It’s just … Willie has told me he’s planning on moving in with Isobel.  She has plenty of space and she knows Geneva willna be coming back.  So, I was wondering if ye would move in with me.  I’d love for us to have our own space, somewhere we can call ‘ours’ instead of ‘mine’ or ‘yours’.  What do ye think?” he asked.

Claire climbed on to his lap and kissed him: “Jamie, I would love us to have ‘our’ place.  I just need to consider the timing.  Geillis is still recovering”, Claire smiled.  “But I love that idea as much as I love you.”

Jamie was a wee bit disappointed.  It was the answer he’d been expecting, but he had spent a few days looking around the place he and Willie shared, imagining Claire being there all the time, her sharing the shower with him, being able to walk around naked whenever they liked, setting things up the way they wanted them, and he couldn’t wait for it to happen.

“I’ll talk to Geillis this evening”, Claire replied.  “My answer is yes please, but I can’t say when right this minute.”

Claire was good to her word.  While Jamie went for a run, she made a pot of tea for herself and Geillis and told her about Jamie’s proposition.

“I’m no surprised Claire.  The relationship ye have with Jamie has grown up as much as he has.  It’s a joy to watch both of ye together.  I saw how he supported ye when I was smashed up and I loved him for it.  I know our friendship would survive it, but it _will_ change.  I guess it’s part of growing up but Christ, I’ll miss ye being here with me all the time.”  Geillis began to cry, and Claire held her tight in her arms and shed a few tears too: “I will always love you like a sister, Geill.  Probably more than many sisters love one another because we chose our sisterhood.  I can keep on working here, so we’ll see one another every day.  But if you want me to put it off, you know both Jamie and I would understand.  All you need to do is tell me what you want – and I want you to be totally honest.”

“Aye, leave it with me for a day or two”, Geillis replied.  “I’ve a lot to consider”, she said reaching for a box of tissues.

When Jamie returned, he found Claire on the bed crying.  He lay with her and wiped away her tears.  “I understand _mo chidre._ It’s a big decision.  Ye must do what ye believe is right.  After all, one reason I love ye is because ye are so considerate of others.  But I did get something special while I was out", he smiled.  He handed Claire a small parcel.  When she unwrapped it, she found a key to his apartment with a silver keyring shaped in two letters: CJ.


	21. Moments of doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone has moments of doubt. Sometimes they are based on past experiences, sometimes on fear, sometimes on both. Claire is not immune.

 

 

 

 

In the presence of a lover, it’s possible to discover that someone can know us well and still like us. We don’t have to hold back on sharing because we fear that the other person will think we’re being ridiculous.  Claire really appreciated this when Jamie gave her the space and time to work out when she would move in with him.  He knew that’s what they both wanted, but he also understood her need to maintain the close relationship she had with Geillis.  And she loved him for it.

Things have a way of working out when we remove the walls that have protected us for years and look beyond to see new possibilities.  When Geillis told Claire she wanted to run some ideas by her, she had no idea what to expect.

“I’ve been thinking about the Redcoat, my limitations for a while with this leg and what I want from a business, Claire.  I talked to Rupert about it too.  I think I should look at expanding the business – diversify a bit – but I canna do it on my own.  What do ye think of me going into a partnership with Rupert?” she asked.

“Tell me more”, Claire smiled.  She pulled her legs up and hugged her knees.  Geillis knew Claire did that when she was in active listening mode. She also knew that Claire wouldn’t have done that if she weren’t a bit excited about the idea. This was a mark of their friendship: their ideas could be shared in an atmosphere of trust, without fear of being rubbished. The fragile parts of their mind could be shared knowing they would be in safe hands.  Theirs was a put-down free zone, with allowances for humour of course.

As Geillis voiced her ideas, she watched Claire’s mind weighing up the possibilities – the pros and cons.  Claire waited for a lull in Geillis’ one-woman brainstorm: “So, what you’re saying is you can use the room I’m in as a kind of storeroom-come-butler’s-pantry to operate a secondary business from?  And instead of having a car, you can invest in a van to deliver prepared food to private venues?”

“Aye.  I suppose that is what I’m saying.  Except I canna sum it up as easily as you, smartarse”, Geillis smiled.

“Who’s going to do the lifting and driving with your leg still on the mend? I mean, a serious break like that takes up to 12 months to fully heal”, Claire asked.

“Rupert said he’d like to do that, and I can help later, when my leg is better”, she answered.

“You two have really thought this through, haven’t you?  You feel really comfortable with him, Geill.  But I think you need to write out a full business plan and get legal advice if you’re entering into a partnership.  It’s just good business sense”, Claire suggested.

“Aye, Glenna has offered some business advice and John said he’d recommend Ned Gowan for the legal advice”, Geillis answered.

Claire leaned forward and held Geillis’ hand: “You know I’ll help in any way I can, don’t you?  And thanks”, Claire beamed.

“Thanks for what?”, Geillis replied.

“Making me feel like I don’t have to worry about you when I move in with Jamie.”  She hugged Geillis.  “It’s a great concept.  Are you sure Rupert is the right person to share it with?”

“Well, he knows his trade and he’s a hard worker”, Geillis replied.

“And you like him”, Claire smiled.

“Why do ye ask that?”, Geillis said looking a trifle embarrassed.

“I didn’t ask.  It was an observation”, Claire replied with a cheeky smile.  She moved away quickly before Geillis took a swipe at her.

That evening, Claire started packing a few boxes of her possessions.  It wouldn’t take her long to stuff her belongings in boxes and bags, because she didn’t own much.  She had lived the life of a nomad for many years, so accumulating _stuff_ was not in her nature.  The few precious things she had – some artifacts of Lamb’s and photographs of her as a child in various exotic locations – were wrapped with care.  Later, she walked over to Jamie’s place with one of the boxes and let herself in with the key he had gifted her.  Jamie hadn’t arrived home from training yet.  Willie had packed up and moved his gear to Isobel’s, so the apartment was almost like a blank canvas.  She unwrapped the photographs and arranged them on the shelf of a built-in bookcase.  Then she unwrapped the artifacts and displayed them on the shelf above.  It was feeling a bit more like home already. 

She went to the kitchen to make a tea or coffee, only to find it was almost bare.  She opened the fridge to find there was no milk, but there were at least a dozen bottles of beer and numerous cans of rum based cocktails and coke.  On top of the fridge were two bottles of _Famous Grouse_ whisky.  Her heart sank.

She returned to the bookcase and began wrapping the artifacts and returning them to the box, just as she heard a key turn in the door.  Jamie came in laughing, accompanied by two players from the rugby team carrying beer, and one of the cheerleaders, who was carrying a bag with clinking bottles.  He stopped in his tracks when he saw Claire: “Sassenach, I didna know you’d be here” he said, then gave her a hug.  “What are ye doing?”

She wiped a tear from her eye: “I’m thinking this wasn’t such a good idea, Jamie.  I’m just going to pack up these things and take them home – to the home I share with Geillis, if she’ll have me back.  You’re obviously busy with your friends.  I’ll be gone in just a minute.”  She carried on wrapping the photographs and returned them to the box, then she handed the keys to Jamie.  “I won’t be needing these.  Goodbye Jamie.”

Jamie stood between her and the door: “Sassenach, will ye let me explain?”

“Explain?  This is like déjà vu Jamie.  Rugby, grog, a cheerleader.  All that’s missing is the bottle of champers to smash on the wall.  And Willie to stop me from killing you. Christ, you haven’t got a fucking clue, have you?  I trusted you, which now appears to have been one of my more stupid ideas.  Now, let me leave please.”

A voice from behind made Claire turn: “You’re Claire?  I’m Robbie.  Will you let _me_ explain?  I understand why ye’re angry, but it’ll only take a minute.”

Claire turned, her penetrating eyes glaring at Robbie: “Spit it out sunshine” she told him.

“Claire, we just went to the clubrooms and found all this grog there, knowing that the junior team were having a party tonight.  They’re all underage.  Jamie’s was the closest place to the club, so we brought it all back here.  This is the second load.  I know it’s not a good look, but I promise we wanted to stop them drinking it all.  We remember _that_ party”, he said looking at Jamie.

The girl added: “My name’s Ellie, and we all know Malva.  Say no more.  I’m so sorry if we upset ye.”

“Oh Christ, now I feel like fucking Mary Poppins assuming the children were taking drugs.  I’m so sorry”, Claire said covering her face.

Ellie laughed: “We all know Jamie willna risk losing ye, Claire.  Ye’re all he talks about.  We sometimes have to tell him to shut his gob!”

Jamie took the box from Claire then held her close.  “Now do ye believe I’ve learned my lesson?”


	22. Love and hate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Love is a powerful emotion - so is hate.

 

 

 

Robbie took coffee orders and went out, returning quickly.  The group sat around drinking and Claire was pleased to get to know a few of the rugby ‘clan’, especially Ellie who was a lovely girl in a teacher education course at the University.  She was forthright with her opinion of Malva.  Before they left, they made arrangements to return the grog once they had spoken to the club manager.  They drifted off, leaving Jamie and Claire alone.

Claire and Jamie were clearing up when Jamie said quietly: “Sassenach, were ye seriously going to leave me?”

Claire turned to face him.  He was looking worried and upset.  She walked over to him and put her arms around his waist: “Jamie, if you had come back here to party with all that alcohol then yes – I would have left you.  I couldn’t go through all that again _because_ I love you.  Unlike some people, I am not prepared to stand back and see the person I love ruin their life on the demon drink.  I will not sit at home waiting to see if the person I love comes home drunk or not at all.  I don’t want to constantly worry about what kind of condition you’re in.  It’s not a life I want.”

She paused and kissed him: “But when I found out what you and the others had been doing, I loved you even more, because it showed you don’t want anyone else to go through what you went through after that party.  I love that.”

Jamie held her to his chest: “Your face is my heart Sassenach, and the love of you is my soul. Claire, ye do break my heart wi' loving you.”

“Jamie, it would have broken my heart to go.  But if you kept drinking, it would break my heart to stay.  Maybe we needed tonight to understand that”, Claire explained.

“Aye, I do understand.  Let’s go to bed.  I need to hold ye, skin to skin”, Jamie told her as he put his arm around her shoulders and guided her to the bedroom.

Their lovemaking was gentle, slow and tender that night.  It began with gentle, sweet pecks on the lips before moving on to deep French kissing.  They took time undressing one another—undoing every button, carefully unzipping, and kissing and stroking the just-revealed spot before moving on to the next.  Jamie drizzled warm water over Claire’s breasts and licked it off slowly.  Claire slowly rolled the condom over Jamie’s length whilst whispering “I will never love anyone but you, Jamie”.  When he entered her, they stared at one another and used a rocking motion rather than thrusting.  When Jamie came, they were breathing slow and deep.  Usually, Jamie spooned behind Claire, but Claire rolled him on his side and curled her body around his back, rubbing her breasts along his spine and running her hand gently up and down his torso.  She kissed his back and ran her hand through his hair.  She thought he would drift off to sleep, but after some time he rolled back towards her: “Claire, I need ye again.  Ye frightened me tonight, the thought of losing ye.  Please.”

Claire saw a fragility in Jamie she hadn’t witnessed before.  He was opening his heart to her and his love for her was on full display.  She loved him so much in that moment, it hurt. She wanted to wrap him in a warm cocoon and hold him forever.  She took another condom and ran it down him gently as he groaned with delight, then she moved him on to his back and lowered herself down on to him as he ran his hands up her legs and to her breasts.  She rolled gently on him and felt him expand inside her, gasping as he slipped a finger on to her deliciously sensitive nerve endings.  “Clitoris” is from the Greek word for “key” and Jamie had the key to her satisfaction.  When they both came, Claire gently slid down to lie at Jamie’s side. 

Jamie kissed her forehead and whispered: “You are mine, always, if ye will it or no, if ye want me or nay. Mine, and I willna let ye go.”

They drifted off to sleep holding one another close.

The following morning, they woke and showered together.  When they had dressed, Claire recalled there was almost nothing to eat in the apartment: “Let’s go to the Redcoat for breakfast” she suggested. They donned their jackets and walked to the Redcoat hand in hand.  They arrived before the café was due to open, so Claire used her key to enter.  They heard shuffling in the kitchen and peered in to see Rupert in a dressing gown – and it looked like nothing else.  His embarrassed blushes told a tale and when Geillis called out: “I’m still waiting for my coffee stud muffin” both Claire and Jamie completely lost it.

Rupert disappeared into the bedroom with two cups of coffee and shut the door behind him.  Claire and Jamie headed into the kitchen and made some pancakes and laughed as Jamie suggested that the stack he’d made for her were definitely “stud pancakes”.  They were eating their pancakes and drinking coffee when Geillis appeared from the bedroom: “I thought ye’d be staying at Jamie’s and coming back here this afternoon, Claire”.

“Well, we came here for stud muffins, but these stud pancakes are going to have to do”, Claire smiled as Geillis poked her tongue out at her.  Rupert emerged from the bedroom dressed in his customary chef outfit and managed to endure the ribbing and innuendo thrown his way with some humour of his own.  Claire sat back and watched the comfortable interaction between Geillis and Rupert and leaned over to Jamie: “Do you think these two will love each other like we do?”

“I hardly think that’s possible Sassenach.  I suppose they could try”, he smiled.

Claire steadily moved the rest of her belongings into Jamie’s apartment over the next three days.  Finally, her room at the Redcoat was empty.  It wasn’t long before Rupert was installing shelves.  The transformation of the business was underway.

Claire continued to work at the Redcoat during busy times, watching on as the relationship between Geillis and Rupert developed. She was now part of a social circle largely composed of couples: John and Charles, Willie and Isobel, Geillis and Rupert and she and Jamie.  Every one of them had experienced significant changes in their lives since they first met.

Jamie and Claire were loving the feeling of closeness and comfort they had created in the apartment – now ‘theirs’ rather than ‘Jamie’s’.  They were readying for bed when there was a knock on the door.  “It’s a wee bit late for visitors”, Jamie said as he looked through the peephole.  He threw open the door and called out to Claire: “Sassenach, come quick.  It’s Charles, and he’s covered in blood.”

Claire ran to Charles: "Were you stabbed?  Where is all this blood coming from?" she asked scanning his body.

"The blood's mostly John's.  Downstairs Claire.  Get an ambulance", he cried.


	23. Being there

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Charles are the targets of a homophobic attack. Claire and Jamie rush to their aid.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Claire threw a blanket and cushion over the couch and quickly lay Charles on it, in case he fainted.  There was no sign of significant and continuing blood loss.  She covered him to keep him warm. She told Jamie to stay upstairs with him.

“Jamie, I’m going downstairs.  Open the window to the apartment so we can call out to one another.  Watch Charles for signs of shock.  Keep him warm and talk to him.

Jamie went to grab her: “Claire, it could be dangerous out there.”

“Damn it, Jamie. It’s John.  Anyone gets in my way and I’ll kill them with my bare hands”.  Claire grabbed their doona, some clean towels and the first aid kit.  She ran downstairs.  She found John in a pool of blood, unconscious and looking serious.  She called to Jamie, who was hanging out of the window with the phone in his hand:  “Jamie, tell them we need _two_ ambulances.  Tell them it’s a knife attack, heavy blood loss, unconscious in one patient; less serious wounds, blood loss and shock in the second patient.  And tell them it’s seriously fucking urgent.”

Claire folded a towel and laid it under John’s head.  There didn’t appear to be a head wound, but he could have hit his head when he fell. She grabbed some disposable gloves from the first aid kit. She opened his jacket and shirt and found several wounds which didn’t appear to be deep and had already begun clotting.  There was no sign of spurting blood, so it would appear an artery hadn’t been hit.  Thank goodness he’d been wearing a zipped leather jacket, she thought.

Next, she checked his airway, breathing and circulation.  His breathing was shallow, so she regularly monitored it.

As she worked her way down his body, she found the knife embedded in the side of John’s thigh.  She left it in situ – to pull it out could increase blood loss.  She dressed the wound around the knife with sterile gauze from her kit and applied pressure on it with one of the clean towels.  It was still bleeding, so she pressed the pressure point in the groin.  She gently placed the doona over the core of John’s body just as she heard an ambulance approaching.  She jumped up and waved to them.  As the paramedics approached, she gave them a quick run-down on what she’d found.  The second ambulance was just behind the first, and Jamie ran down to lead them to Charles.  Moments later, police arrived, and the street was filling with people who’d heard the sirens.

The first ambulance to leave the scene carried John, Claire and the paramedics.  Jamie locked up the apartment, grabbed his mobile and jumped into the ambulance with Charles.  The paramedics were shocked to see Charles, with whom they worked.  John was rushed into surgery and Charles into emergency.  It was only then that Jamie noticed Claire’s jeans and shirt were a patchwork of blood: “Let me take ye home to get changed and we’ll come straight back Sassenach.”

“I’m not going anywhere until I hear how John and Charles are”, she said stubbornly.  Jamie knew better than to argue.  A nurse offered her a blanket to wrap around her shoulders, and Jamie held her.  She finally allowed herself to cry for her friends.

They waited for news.  “Christ, this is like _Waiting for Godot._ Bastard never did turn up.  I hated that play”, Claire grumbled.

Some time later, they were allowed access to Charles, whose wounds had been cleaned and treated.  He was highly emotional.  He had proposed to John and, in his excitement, John had thrown his arms around Charles’ neck and planted a smacker on his mouth.  They were verbally abused by a group of homophobic, drunken youths walking home from the pub, and then a few of the youths began to chase them.  Realising they weren’t far from Jamie and Claire’s apartment, they had run in that direction.  The two youths targeted John, and when they caught up with him and started bashing him Charles had done his best to shield John.  One of them pushed and kicked Charles, while the other pulled a knife on John.  When Charles tried to shield John again, he got shallow slash wounds to his hands, and then he saw the knife sink into John’s thigh. The youths ran when the rest of the gang saw a car approaching. He had struggled to their apartment to raise the alarm.

“All I could think of was James Kerr, who was left to die by his assailants, because one of them said he was a poof.  I had to get help for him”, Charles cried.

Claire held Charles’ arm, avoiding the wounds on his hands: “Charles, if it hadn’t been for you, I’m pretty sure John wouldn’t have made it.  When you shielded him, you made it more difficult for them.”

“Thank you, Claire.  And I’m so glad you were there to care for him.  Jamie, thanks for looking after me too”, Charles smiled through his tears.

“Ye need to rest now, Charles.  The worst is over.  Claire and I will wait for news of John and come back to ye”, Jamie reassured him.

As they moved back to the waiting area, Jamie was visibly angry: “Seriously, what is it with these people?  John is one of the best people I know.  The man wouldn’t hurt anyone, and he’s attacked by a bunch of morons because he’s excited about marrying the man he loves.”

Claire looked at Jamie, reflecting..  She’d never told him that John had once loved him, and she never would.  That was a secret between her and John.  But she did know that if it hadn’t been for John, she and Jamie wouldn’t be a couple.  Rupert and Geillis might never have met.  She might never have got to know Glenna, who’d been a godsend after Geillis’ accident.  John was a special person and she would be there for him, just as he was for her.

When the surgeon emerged, he told them John was in a serious but stable condition.  The knife had been removed, the blood flow stemmed, and the wound irrigated with a sterile solution before cleaning it to remove bacteria and debris. After repairing damaged tissue, the surgeon had closed the wound using sutures. He was treated with intravenous (IV) fluids, antibiotics and a blood transfusion, with mild sedation to restrict movement.  He would be undergoing observation and investigation for any brain injury, as he had been unconscious for a time. 

Jamie had rung John’s family, and they were on their way.  Claire asked if she might sit with John until they arrived.  Jamie spoke to Charles, who had been admitted to a ward. 

Claire remained with John until his family arrived.  Jamie encouraged her to go home and remove her blood-soaked clothes and rest.  They would return in the morning.  When they arrived home, they showered and crawled into bed.  Jamie held Claire close: “John and Charles will be alright, Sassenach.  Thank God we were home.”

"Oh Jamie, I hadn't considered that.  I don't think John would've made it if we hadn't been there", Claire gasped.

"Aye, but we were, and we will be there for as long as he needs us Sassenach."


	24. A new view of life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jamie and Claire acknowledge how the events of the year have changed their views on life.
> 
> The next chapter of 'Perspectives' will be the last. I can feel it winding down.

 

 

 

Everything was looking a little better by the morning.  Charles was feeling much better, knowing that John was stable.  When Claire arrived at the hospital, John’s family were looking exhausted.  She sat with John while they had breakfast and spoke to the doctors.  He would wake briefly, speak a little, then drift back into sleep.  He didn’t appear to have any memory of what had happened, although he did seem to know where he was.  He asked for Charles, who visited him briefly in a wheelchair.

Claire knew it could take some time for the brain to recover from a head injury. During this time, headaches, dizziness and mild cognitive problems were common.  Sometimes there could be mood changes and difficulties with concentrating, remembering things and performing complex tasks.  Hopefully John would show improvements over the next few days.  The knife wounds would take longer to heal.  She was just as concerned about the emotional and psychological impact of the attack on him and Charles. 

When John’s family returned, Claire headed for the university.  She had to fill in forms to register her change of address and contact details.  As she was in the midst of doing this, the Dean of the Faculty called her into his office.  He had heard what had happened to John and wanted to know how he was.  He had also been told that Claire had been instrumental in keeping John alive.

“I hope you’re aware that you have the ability to be dux of the year, Claire, provided you maintain your grade point average.  It has dropped a little in the past few months.  You’re still well within the range needed to maintain your scholarship, but not to top the student cohort in your year”, the Dean told her.

Claire smiled.  “Dean, I have been working hard to be number one for a long time.  It was how I coped with the loss of my uncle, who cared for me when my parents died.  At first, my friend Geillis was my number 1 friend and supporter.  We are still so close, and she was recently in a serious car accident. This year, I’ve made some wonderful new friends and John is one of them.  My support of him at this time has to be my priority.  You’ll recall how incredible he was when Geneva and Laoghaire tried to implicate me in a robbery.  Now I’m concerned that he will need a lot of emotional support to overcome this attack.  I have a slightly different perspective on life.  Winning at all costs is no longer the most important thing.  Caring for dear friends is more important.  It’s my new perspective on life.”

The Dean smiled: “And it bodes well for you being a wonderful doctor, Claire.  Students can learn a lot about physiology and the like, but some of them can’t be taught genuine care.”

After she’d left the Dean’s office, Claire collected some material from the library and walked home.  Jamie was busy working on his laptop.  He rose from his chair and kissed the top of her head: “I’ve just come from the hospital.  Charles is going to be discharged tomorrow.  I told him he should stay with us.  His hands must be painful, and I think he needs friends for support.  What do ye think?”

“I think I love you even more”, Claire said standing on tiptoe and kissing him.  “I totally agree.  It’s not just supporting Charles, John will be more comfortable knowing he’s with us.”

They worked together to ready the spare room for Charles and ate dinner.  Claire told Jamie about her impromptu meeting with the Dean and he listened intently: “Sassenach, having ye in my life has changed my perspective too.  I just sauntered through life before, but now I see things differently.  The way ye love me despite all that happened – I feel grateful for that every day.  I don’t take things for granted.”

Jamie woke in the morning to the smell of coffee and the sight of Claire bringing him a tray of breakfast in bed.  He was more interested in the fact that she was wearing nothing but his shirt, which wasn’t buttoned up.  As she leant over him, his hand slid up her leg and rested on her arse: “Put the tray on the bedside table Sassenach.  I’m more interested in yer body”, he smiled.  She plopped down on the bed and slipped her hand under the bedspread: “Oh yes, your interest has been aroused hasn’t it?” she said seductively.  She removed the shirt and slid back into bed with him, then grabbed a piece of toast which she fed to him.  He rubbed the second piece of toast over her breasts, leaving a thin layer of jam: “Whoops, now I’ll have to lick it off”, he laughed as he pushed her back on the bed and rubbed his tongue, and the rest of his body, against her.  By the time he’d finished ravishing her, his coffee was cold, but they were both curled into one another: “I canna think of a better way to start the day _mo chidre._ Now I need to wash yer breasts in the shower.”

Jamie lifted Claire from their bed and took her to the bathroom, where he washed and inspected her breasts for some time.  They were late to the hospital to collect Charles.

While Charles stayed with them, John recuperated and underwent rehabilitation.  By the time John was ready to return to the home he now shared with Charles, he was walking with a stick.  Claire would visit each day to help with chores, take him for a short walk (despite his protestations) and ensure he was eating well.  He would refer to her as his ‘Mother Hen’ and she would cluck as he pretended to be annoyed when she fussed over him.

Over time, Jamie and Claire would escort John and Charles to dinner at the Redcoat or invite them to their home.  They wanted to help in the rebuilding of their confidence.

As the end of the academic year approached, social life was reduced as exams approached.  There was the usual groaning at the timetable which seemed to favour some and disadvantage others, the customary nerves about particular subjects, and the complaints of badly worded questions.  The relief was palpable when the last exam had been completed.  Then the long wait began for results.


	25. The perfect day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter in this story. Thank you all for your wonderful comments, which have spurred me on.
> 
> New story starts next week!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Monday morning seemed to crawl around.  Emails containing subject results would be uploaded on the weekend and sent out first thing Monday morning.  When the email notification sounds were heard, both Jamie and Claire paused momentarily and then opened their emails nervously.

Claire’s grade point average had fallen but was still more than enough to secure her much needed university scholarship for another year.  Given the events of the previous semester, she was pretty happy with her results.  Jamie’s results had improved on his previous semester, so he was delighted.  Text messages were arriving from family and friends sharing (generally) good news.

Claire was surprised to find a second email a few minutes after the first.  She was to attend the University prize-giving night the following week.  She was amazed by this, as she was confident that she hadn’t won the Dux award.  Nothing in the email indicated what award she _had_ won.  Jamie suggested she’d won the Perfect Arse award and squeezed her derrière, laughing.  Her mind was racing, but she came up with … nothing.

Now that results were out, there was a sense of relief that they could spend the summer together relaxing.  Claire would still be working at the Redcoat part-time and being Mother Hen to John.  Willie and Jamie would go home to help on the farm with hay baling but would only be gone for a few weeks. Isobel was staying to attend a summer school.  Charles was back at work.

It was the first real opportunity for reflection.  At the beginning of the year Claire had been _‘Oxfam’_ , rejected by many of her peers on the basis of her clothing and living with her old friend Geillis at the Redcoat Café.  Now she was living with a man she truly loved, and Geillis was in business with her new man Rupert.  Willie had moved on with Isobel following the demise of Geneva.  No-one spoke of Laoghaire or Malva. Their friend John had survived a horrifying attack but was recuperating and happy in his relationship with Charles.  They planned to marry once it could all be arranged.  How things had changed.

One thing that hadn’t changed was Claire’s constant budgeting.  She was determined that she would pay her way.  Her final year would include a significant proportion of time in practical work in hospitals, which meant she was unable to work for Geillis much of the time.  She didn’t want to impose on Glenna, given the amazing support she had provided for Geillis.  She would need to be thrifty and resourceful.  She scanned second-hand book sites for text books she’d need the following year and found every ‘summer clearance’ of stationery in Edinburgh. Anyone who stood between her and a special on favourite canned foods was in danger of being knocked over.  Clothes were at the bottom of the shopping list. It was nothing unusual for her.

The following week she and Jamie dressed up a bit for the prize-giving.  Willie, Isobel and John were also attending, anxious to find out what Claire had been recognised for.  Charles would be there as one of those presenting prizes.  They would all go to the Redcoat at the end of the ceremony, where Geillis and Rupert would lay on some food and champagne.  Claire promised not to smash any bottles.  Jamie promised to limit his drinking.

Their programmes were sitting on their seats when they arrived, with a list of recipients and prize titles.  Claire was listed under the heading: _A new award – The Royal Edinburgh Infirmary Award for Medical Practice._ There were no other details and Claire was itching to find out what it all meant.

The speeches went on for what felt like hours.  There was a stream of students receiving medals, trophies, plaques and book awards.  _Finally,_ the Dean announced Claire’s award:

 

> _Before I ask Claire Beauchamp to come to the stage, I would like to provide some detail of this new award.  Students are required to undertake medical practice sessions as an essential part of their medical degree.  This award recognises that to train as a doctor means far more than being a competent physician.  It also recognises the ability to work under pressure to provide care, empathy, understanding and the ability to see the patient as a vulnerable person.  A good doctor doesn’t judge by a book by its cover.  They see the person in need of their care, not just their medical needs.  This award provides the recipient with a guarantee of a graduate position at the Royal Edinburgh Infirmary upon graduation.  It also provides a stipend scholarship paid for the final year of the student’s study at the University, the rate of pay being the equivalent of a Foundation Doctor.  Claire Beauchamp is the first recipient of this Award, and a deserving one.  I invite Claire to come to the stage._

Claire sat there in disbelief. 

“Get up Sassenach.  They’re waiting for ye”, Jamie urged her.

Claire staggered out of her chair, walked to the stage and struggled up the stairs.  A stipend scholarship was a dream for someone who had lived on next to nothing for years on end.  It was a life changer.  She floated across the stage.  The Dean handed her a small trophy and an envelope, then embraced her.  She smiled at Charles, who was sitting on the stage vigorously applauding with the rest of the audience.  When she walked backstage, she was shaking.

At the end of the presentation, Charles went backstage and cuddled Claire, who was still gobsmacked.

“Haven’t you opened the envelope, Claire?” he smiled.

“No.  I’m still numb”, she replied.

“I think you should sit down first.  It’s a pretty generous stipend”, he grinned.

She took his advice and sat, then opened the envelope: “£23,672 a year?  And allowances?  I’ve lived on that much for the past four years!  Charles, this is amazing.”

“Claire, you’ve earned it.  You’ve got a busy year ahead.  Enjoy it.  It’ll be paid monthly into your account”, he laughed.

“My bank manager won’t believe I have any more than £20 in my account at any one time.  That was my definition of rich.  I can’t wait to tell the others.”

Charles and Claire walked out to their waiting friends arm in arm.  John was wearing a smug grin.  “So, you’re rich Claire. Well, relatively rich. How does it feel?”

“You knew?  You knew how much this was worth?”, she said looking at him in amazement.

“Charles told me this afternoon. I’m a very effective nag.  Claire, it’s a pittance for someone who saves lives, like you saved mine.  You’re going to be brilliant.  And if you’ve got too much and you don’t know what to do with it, you can always donate some to Oxfam.”

Jamie chuckled.  “Ye did tell me Oxfam is an organisation that believes all lives are of equal value Sassenach.  And that perspective won you this prize.  I’m so proud of ye.”

As they walked towards the Redcoat, Jamie held Claire close: “So, you’re guaranteed a scholarship for next year and a job the year after here in Edinburgh.  Maybe we should just settle down and get married Sassenach.  Then ye’ll be a Scot and I willna call ye Sassenach.”

“Are you proposing, James Fraser?”

“I suppose I am”, he replied as he turned her to face him and kissed her.

“That has made my day absolutely perfect.  I love you Jamie.”

“And I, you.”   


End file.
